This is something i tell most beginners. Dont worry about the text atm. And don't put your name in it please, its too big, doesn't make sense, doesn't look good.
So that out the way, you have to work on your lighting and composition.
Your'e blending pretty well, so try working on your lighting.
i just found this tutorial try following it and ill look forward to your outcome.
Its very easy and he provides with all resources.
Killzone C4d signature tutorial | Sigtutorials.com
when or if your'e finished ask me for more i gotz some good ones.