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  1. #1
    Inspiration ©'s Avatar
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    The Ultimate Secret To Combat Arms [How to win without hax or skill!]

    So, it's grave digger-elimination pro and you just got a multi-kill. Nice work there soldier. Oh look here! There's some more enemies, quick go get them! They don't even know your there! *Ching*.. *BOOM*. Whaaaa? What just happened? I was alive and now I'm not! What!? I got killed by a hornet? This is outrageous! People shouldn't have an advantage over me in a video game! That is a crazy concept I can not possibly fathom. I am going to immediately inform the user who is using a specialist that his mother is obese! Haha yes! This plan will work out great. Maybe I'll even through a swear word in for added effect! As soon as he sees my comment in chat, he will become upset and instantly decide never to use any Weapon or Gear item of the NX variety! Haha I am clever!

    STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" Says a big voice,apparently coming from nowhere.

    "What? Who was that? Who's there?" You say.

    "I am your conscience."

    "My conscience? What did I do? There's no way I did something unethical!"

    "Look son. I know, I know your upset that you just got pwnz0rd by a hornet.It sucks doesn't it? I mean what did you do to deserve this. You use an under-powered gun, the tar. You don't spam grenades, you don't use any NX items or weaponry, you use the small explosion default grenade, you don't use any gear, you never tank sniper shots, you don't bunny hop, you don't hack, you use the default pistol and knife, and your player model is a fat guy with a big hit box. Yet, you do good in this game. Other player's have nothing to get mad at you about, other than the fact that their simple minds usually put together that you are likely to be a hacker. You are blessed with skill my son. Granted, skill get's you better things, and a clean conscience. You have respect among higher ranked players, you can get into good clans. But with skill, comes stress. Now, let's go back to your death that occurred by that specialist's hornet. That must've sucked right? You had a good kill streak going there and it ended sourly by an unexpected explosive that was bought with real life money. Naturally it's going to upset you. It's going to stress you out a little. Just a little. But then it happens again. And again. And again. Oh look you got another kill. Oh, you just got killed by another hornet, again. Feeling more stressed? Take my advice:

    1: Don't take this game so seriously. If you do your just going to let yourself down. Stress also stunts your growth you silly adolescent.

    2: Don't vent by insulting other player's. It usually doesn't work. In fact, I have never, in my 700 some hours played on combat arms, seen a conflict resolved because someone insulted someone. Here's an example of something that will clearly never happen:

    --*Player 1 Headshots Player 2*

    --Player 2: "u stopid n0b, ur mum is ugly and fat lol, get skill, aimbot, kid."

    --Player 1: You know what? My mom is kind of ugly now that you mention it. I do need some skill, I am truly sorry for headshotting you. Next time I'll make sure I don't aim for your feet.

    No.. NO.. HECK NO. That will never happen without Player 2 putting sarcasm in what he/she said.

    3: Don't vent by using hacks. It ruins the game for the developers, the gamers and yourself.

    4: Don't vent on vent. Nobody likes micspam.

    Now your stressed and let's just say you can't handle it. What are you going to do? Quick go to the lobby and buy an RPG? But oh, then you won't have any skill! You'll become the standard definition of the word noob! But who cares?

    I'm going to let you in on a huge secret. This secret is key to winning at all Combat Arms games. Ready?

    You do not need skill to succeed in Combat Arms.

    *GASP* is what you are probably saying right now.

    But how can this be so? You ask.

    It's blatantly obvious my son. Combat Arms is a game. Here's the big question: Do you prefer enjoying your games while you play them? You probably do. If you don't, stop trying to be different. So you know what? Enjoy your game. Don't take a serious approach to it. Winning isn't the big deal here, it's how you enjoy winning. Now sure, you could spend months trying to acquire proper skill so other player's who don't know how to vent their stress (due to them taking the game too seriously) won't get mad at you because you don't fit their definition of skill. But now you have skill, and look what happens. You get called a hacker every match, in fact that guy just reported you for hacking because that was his way of dealing with Combat Arms stress. That other guy just told you to "Get a life". Those are all signs of you having skill. Or maybe you are hacking, who knows.

    Hey look that guy is OPKing, let's tell him to get a life in chat!

    Stop right there! Haven't you learned anything? So what if he hacks, he has a life. It's impractical to say that because he's obviously alive and breathing if he's operating hacks. That's their way of venting. Yet another politically incorrect way of dealing with stress. That is his life, deal with it. What are you going to do about it?

    Umm.. flame him in chat? Hack him back?

    No and no. Report him first of all. Then you have a choice, should I stay in this game room and be continue being stressed for another ten minutes so I can get exp? Or should I leave. It's up to you. Sure, your going to be called a Rage Quitter or something similar, but who cares? The answer is you shouldn't. Here's MY simple solution to all of this FPS nonsense noob garbagery.

    Become one with the noob.

    EMBRACE YOUR INNER NOOB!

    It will feel good. Trust me.

    Pull out the 'ol RPG and mines. Grab a couple overpowered guns like the G36E. While your at it, toss in a spec with a few NX guns. Heck, get a myst-bravo too you might even get a permanent over-over-powered gun! Who needs skill anymore!? Sure, skill makes you stylish and stuff. But that will create a lot more stress for you, and a lot more fun for us noobs.

    BOOM RPG KILL! Haha that was fun! did you see the way his body went flying? Yes, that was absolute hilarity. Are you noticing that having fun in this way on Combat Arms, pretty much renders other people who are playing with skill useless? That's what makes them mad, and what makes you happy. It's human nature to do this. Now your thinking, WOW THIS THREAD AUTHOR IS A MASSIVE TROLL!

    Here, let's be logical about this for once. What's the point of Combat Arms? What keeps you playing? Probably EXP. In the past, skill has probably brought you some of that through hard work and determination. But, why so serious? Kick back and enjoy. Being a noob will make it (believe it or not) easier to get kills, which means you rank up faster! Hooray! Skill can go take a hike. Someone tells you to get skill? Tell 'em to Have fun for once. They don't need to get there boxer's in a bunch or there knicker's in a knot or there socks in a swirl. Ignore the haters.

    Here we go again. You just got killed by another hornet? What are you going to do?

    Pull out your M32-Minigun-Flamethrowing-G36E-RPG with an NX scope, and blast that mother-fucker away my friend.

    inb4 TL;DR

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    asdfgas (05-16-2011),VashSama (05-16-2011)

  3. #2
    Disturbed's Avatar
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    Nobody is going to read all of that.

    Looks good though.

  4. #3
    Nexulous's Avatar
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    Actually, good read.
    tl;dr DONT GET FUCKING OWNED BY HORNETS

  5. #4
    Inspiration ©'s Avatar
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    @Disturbed: Who cares. I enjoyed writing it.

  6. #5
    goten`'s Avatar
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    Nice guide. For noobs.

    Important rules for all the idiots:

    1st rules of spelling. Don't fuck with the ORIGINAL.


    There're three things I refuse to tolerate: cowardice, bad haircuts, and millitary insurrection.

    - Frieza

    You want to keep everyone from dying? That's naive. It's a war; people die.

    - Luffy to Vivi in Alabasta


    We shouldn't worry about being able to achieve our dreams, as long as we have the desire to do it!

  7. #6
    Mouzie's Avatar
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    Your tactics will not work against me, as soon as I see you, you're dead.

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    [MPGH]YellowFever (05-16-2011)

  9. #7
    Jabuuty671's Avatar
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    Easiest plan: Play a lot of games, be it Combat Arms or other FPS's.The best knowledge is experience and maturity. You can't teach people how to be themselves, if they're childish rats, then they're childish rats. It'll change in the future if not soon or never.


  10. #8
    Mouzie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jabuuty671 View Post
    Easiest plan: Play a lot of games, be it Combat Arms or other FPS's.The best knowledge is experience and maturity. You can't teach people how to be themselves, if they're childish rats, then they're childish rats. It'll change in the future if not soon or never.
    Join the army, military helped my gaming. :P

  11. #9
    Jabuuty671's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bear Jew View Post
    Join the army, military helped my gaming. :P
    Wouldnt help 11-17 year old rats. Jrotc at the least i guess.


  12. #10
    Mouzie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jabuuty671 View Post


    Wouldnt help 11-17 year old rats. Jrotc at the least i guess.
    Military school, booyah.

  13. #11
    Da Kurlzz's Avatar
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    i read some of it.

    basically the ultimate goal is to piss people off?
    I see what you did there.

  14. #12
    McGinley's Avatar
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    I read it in the voice of the narrator of the "how to make a krabby patty" episode of spongebob.

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    Taco (05-16-2011)

  16. #13
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    I dont think people will believe that, remember, everyone on CA are Fags

  17. #14
    McGinley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katie_Perry View Post
    I dont think people will believe that, remember, everyone on CA are Fags
    Baby, they are fiiiiiiiiiiiirewoooooorks!

  18. #15
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    Actuallly, i read the whole thing lol..... very interesting...

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