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  1. #16
    Crayotic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snake View Post
    don't shitpost and ruin the thread by posting some annoying bullshit.

    Post quality jokes.
    this is the real joke

  2. #17
    Casperwhyyoucry's Avatar
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    "Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house."

  3. #18
    Matthew_Rotmg's Avatar
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    There was a fight today.
    With who?
    Deez nuts.

  4. #19
    Cohen's Avatar
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    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
    "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
    "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
    At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
    "Pope Francis," his boss replies.
    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Cohen For This Useful Post:

    Snake (3 Weeks Ago)

  6. #20
    Sanny's Avatar
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    I'm a joke, lol

  7. #21
    Jubs Jr's Avatar
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    Royce is a joke .
    .


    Previous Name
    Ice Cube


     


    400 posts - Done
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    Realm of the Mad God Minion

     
    When you add me,
    tell me that you are from MPGH or I wont accept

     


    Joined 8th August 2016
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  8. #22
    AceOfNinjas's Avatar
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    Have some more (some are cringe)
    I still have more jokes but some are pretty long (might post them later)
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Q:What are the strongest days of the week?
    A:Saturday & Sunday the rest are weekdays
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Q:Why did the sperm cross the road?
    A:I Put the wrong socks on this morning
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Q:Whats the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick
    A:You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Q:What's a Mexicans favourite sport?
    A:Cross-Country
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    You should Skydive without a parachute
    It's a once in a lifetime experience
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Q:Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
    A:Because it was outstanding in its field
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    I think i'm emotionally constipated
    I haven't given a shit in days
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    I was going to share my joke about cocaine with you
    But it's only a one-liner
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  9. #23
    Snake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cohen View Post
    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
    "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
    "President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
    At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
    "Pope Francis," his boss replies.
    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?'
    LOL that shit is amazing. I loved it. Now that's what I'm talking about, that is quality baby.
    Need a custom image title? Check out my thread





  10. #24
    Jubs Jr's Avatar
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    Yo' mama so fat, that when she wears a yellow rain jacket, people think she's a taxi cab.
    .


    Previous Name
    Ice Cube


     


    400 posts - Done
    500 posts - done
    1k posts
    Realm of the Mad God Minion

     
    When you add me,
    tell me that you are from MPGH or I wont accept

     


    Joined 8th August 2016
    Member Level 1 9th August 2016
    Premium 23rd September 2016

  11. #25
    Trol553's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snake View Post
    Literally all you retards did was the first line. I miss the days where people posted not even quality but on topic.
    Well , actually they didn't follow your rules and posted low quality shit.

    Two friends will came into restaurant , almost closing hours of restaurant. They want to order , waiter will tell them they have only rice and 2 steaks , one big and one small. Both reply to waiter : Yeah , we're good with it.
    They will divide rice into 2 halves and one will take larger steak and second says :
    - Youre "nice" friend , you took the bigger.
    1st reply : What would you do ?
    2nd reply : I would take smaller one.
    1st reply: Then what are you complaining about , you have that one there.

  12. #26
    ROBBOBBY's Avatar
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    What's something both Asians and chocolate do?
    Kill you dog.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to ROBBOBBY For This Useful Post:

    AceOfNinjas (2 Weeks Ago)

  14. #27
    Ogma.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trol553 View Post
    1st reply: Then what are you complaining about , you have that one there.
    I was supporting you so far, but...


  15. #28
    0rbitz's Avatar
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    Hillary Clinton LOL

  16. #29
    bomberiai's Avatar
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    Girl: Another song objectifying women. I bet it was made by a man.
    Guy: Well duh, It's a song, not a sandwich

  17. #30
    crazydillon4419's Avatar
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    Hillary is a killer joke ahahha

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