This is why you listen to R&B, or something with smooth melodies and shit like that. I like R&B because it's usually irrelevant to what's keeping me down, so it takes my mind off of it till I'm ready to release everything inside later. As of now, just relax. Being on the suicide level is extreme, all you need to do is tone it down to where you can handle yourself rationally, then let everything out in the easiest way possible, whether it's angry screaming or punch shit, or just crying.
Dgaf if anyone else think this is a troll or whatever, I'm just giving real advice.