“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.” - Kahlil Gibran
In my lifetime, I've lost quite a few people that were close to me. All of them voluntary, suicide. I can't really determine what's worse, though... Being in so much torment that you would take your own life willingly, or having it taken from you by an accident or from someone else's hands. Regardless, I hope you find means to get through this yourself. If he really meant something to you, it will be hard. I know I haven't found mine yet. You have my condolences.