Maybe you should take this to the level of how us Australians do it...
Step 1: order a couple hundred pizza's to his house
step 2: 30-40 taxi's to his front door
step 3: few limo-zines
step 4: strippers (FAT ONES)
step 5: possibly anything else that requires you to pay on delivery
PS. call these places with Skype so they can't trace your number