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  1. #1
    Xiolest's Avatar
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    Update on my life #9 *Vacation Edition*

    Boy long time since I made one of these since I was off to vacation
    this might be a long ass one idk, depends how I feel typing

    - First flew to Florida, stayed with one of my fathers friends, we visited around Florida. has some good time.
    - Went on a cruise called Allure of the Seas, Big ass cruise, was with family and my girlfriend
    - Went to 3 different 1st was Haiti, 2nd was Jamaica *All good mon* 3rd was Mexico, not gunna lie mexico had a beautiful ass beach.
    - In Haiti, went jet skiing, chilled by the beach, went to a zipline *We had private stuff on everything sine one of the workers knew us*
    - In Jamaica we climbs up "Dunn's riverfall" Was a good ass time. That's all we had time for because the driving was long and we wanted to make it back in time to the cruise.
    - In Mexico we had a private bus take us to a beach, went jet skiings and scuba diving, water was beautiful. Too bad I rarely take any pictures. Pretty sure my girlfriend did though.
    - The time on the cruise was alright, too bad we ran out of things to quickly do in there. Someone even took a shit in the pool that was fucking hilarious.
    - They had a men's internation belly flop competition, I liked that. We watched the barbershop and batman vs superman, my gf was rubbing my back which that felt good cuz I always do it to her.
    - Man forget about the food. my gosh I need to hire the cooks at the cruise cuz holy shit was in love. My girlfriend was even upset because she was starting to get a stomach which idk why girls hate that, I find it kind of cute. Her upper body skinny already, but down low its a different story.
    - ANYWAY back to the cruise shit. was good. There was a sex couple show, that was hilarious cuz this one old dude said that the craziest place he had sex was on the cruise and when his wife came out she said the same thing everyone went wild.
    - Now the casino, now that was home. I ended up winning $5,000 when I played for fun. One dude won $50,000.

    Thats pretty much what I can sum up in the shortest way I possibly can.

    This weeks MPGH old thread.
    http://www.mpgh.net/forum/showthread.php?t=212382

    Todays Story
    It's not uncommon as a teacher to have students who are a bit behind the curve in certain aspects, but 99.99999% of the time they are keen on something. They might not understand how to identify a noun or what theme is, but they somehow know how to make a mean plate of nachos. You learn pretty quick to not judge fish for their tree climbing ability, ya know?
    I thought this was the rule when I was teaching until I met Kevin. Kevin isn't his real name, but it doesn't matter because he can't spell it anyway. Kevin was a student of mine during my last year of teaching. He came to my classroom with very little to show for his academic past. He had moved a few times and thus was missing a lot of typical test scores that we use to try and ballpark their ability (Don't worry, it was a ballpark.....we didn't make major decisions until we actually had a chance to talk and work with a student for a bit.) I thought "That's fine. I'll just do some one-on-one with Kevin and see what's up" One on One with kevin was like conversing with someone who'd forgotten everything in a freak, if not impossible, amnesia incident. There was no evidence that he had learned anything past the 2nd grade....and now he was in 9th grade. Flabbergasted, I figured we needed to get more serious with this. If he was going to be in my class, I needed to know why and how.
    I decided to meet with him, his guidance counselor, his parents, and another teacher to see what was really going on. This is where it all became clear. It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn't been wiped off the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic pinnacle of this null achievement. Even my instructional lead, a woman who could find a redeeming trait in a Balrog, failed to see any reason this kid or his family should be alive today.
    So here's a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he's laughing uncontrollably:
    Kevin frequently forgot when/where class was. On more than one occasion, I had to retrieve him from other classrooms.
    Kevin ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
    Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me...his English teacher. This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school, Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
    Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire....twice
    Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn't him.
    Kevin stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it was ringing. (Not that it wasn't his, not that he did it.....no, he denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times before the end of the year.
    Kevin called the basketball coach a "Motherfucking Bitch" during gym. Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn't go well.
    Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went to)
    Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
    Kevin kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and threw up.
    Kevin say the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.
    Kevin stole another student's Iphone....and tried to sell it back to them.
    Kevin didn't understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes, homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
    Kevin spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
    Kevin didn't know dogs and cats were different animals.
    Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library.....at the circulation desk....while he was logged on.
    Kevin asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don't go to prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
    Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
    Kevin regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name on it wherever there was room.
    Kevin had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember what they were. They were very concerned that "the holiday party" (it's high school, we don't have those) would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note....he was allergic to amoxicillin
    Kevin and his parents took a trip to Nassau (how the fuck did they even get airline tickets?) and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn't believe him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
    Kevin's grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.

    Todays Video

  2. #2
    Bradley0130's Avatar
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    How is you gf

    - - - Updated - - -

    also thanks for Todays Video
    MPGH Member Level 1 since May 2016



     
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