Thread: hmmmm =-/

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  1. #1
    OBASC's Avatar
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    hmmmm =-/

    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
    A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...

    10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

    9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

    8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

    7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

    6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

    5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

    4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

    3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

    2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

    1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN GOLF BUT AREN'T

    10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.

    9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

    8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

    7. Look at the size of his putter.

    6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

    5. Mind if I join your threesome?

    4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

    3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

    2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

    1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents...

    10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

    9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.

    8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?

    7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

    6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.

    5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

    4. Can you believe it! Those shit heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!

    3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

    2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

    1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
    ---------------------------------------------------------
    Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Is Having A Cyber Affair...

    10. Lately, she sits at the computer naked.

    9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

    8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

    7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

    6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

    5. Every day, Bill Gates sends 10 million dollars worth of flowers.

    4. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

    3. During sex she screams "A COLON BACKSLASH ENTER INSERT!!!!"

    2. The fax file is filled with pictures of some guy's ass.

    1. Lipstick on the mouse.
    -------------------------------------------------------
    Things todo in the elevator
    1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
    on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

    2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
    and go back for more.

    3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
    wrong ones.

    4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
    know what floor your on.

    5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
    a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
    been?"

    6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
    scream, "That's mine!"

    7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

    8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
    ask if they have an apointment.

    9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
    play.

    10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
    them if they can hear ticking.

    11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
    procedures and exits with the passengers.

    12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

    13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

    14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
    don't panic, they open again!"

    15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

    16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

    17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

    18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
    muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

    19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
    inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

    20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
    wall, without getting off.

    21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
    horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

    22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
    passengers.

    23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

    24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
    announce, "I have new socks on".

    26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
    the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space"
    Last edited by OBASC; 09-28-2011 at 12:18 PM.

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  2. #2
    irecon117's Avatar
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    why dont you get xfire and we can chat about halo ce? xfire . com and if you have one add me darkmortalangel911 and about 1500 people play ce still and about 600 play pc still

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