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  1. #1
    Jackal's Avatar
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    Fuck Coffee Vending Machines!

    Lemme tell you all a story about a boy named Jack and a Coffee Vending Machine that I fuckin hate, located at a Rest Area in central Tennesee.....

    The Trip back to where I live from Cape Hatteras, NC, is about a 12 to 14 hour drive (Depending on traffic). We stopped at a gas station/convenience store about 30 minutes into the trip. I proceeded to get a 16-oz NOS energy drink, a 16-ozRed Jak (Energy drinks are my vise: Whenever i find a new one, i have to try it), a 16-oz can of Starbucks Italian Roast Coffee (Tasted like watery shit, oh and about the recurring use of "16-0z"... That's the standard size for tall-boy-size cans, which are popular for energy drinks), and a 32-oz 'Green Squall' Powerade. (I drink alot)
    After consuming all of the above (Except for a few sips of the Powerade), I had enough caffeine in me to kill a number of small animals. (I sweated out Mountain Dew)

    As you probably may already know, I like Caffeine.
    My Parents like quiet.
    Needless to say, there was a conflict of interests at hand.
    5 hours of Bodily functions (digestion, and uncontrollable bodily tremors due to the caffeine) later, I felt the urge to urinate.
    I mean REALLY URINATE. To put it in lamens terms: I had to piss like a freakin racehorse. So, My family, already furious at me from my caffeine-fueled antics, decided to stop at the nearest Rest Area (Not because of my well-being, but because of the consequences: Urine stains Car seats). Once out of the car, I proceeded to *AHEM* nevermind.
    Well, anyway.....
    After going... you know....
    I decided to get a cup of my favorite Beverage in the history of time: Coffee..
    There happened to be a coffee vending machine nearby.
    Since I knew that my parents would probably seize the cup of brew from me (They dont much care for me having Caffeine) and throw it away, I decided to make a comprpmise: I would get decaf.
    I Had exactly $86 in my wallet at the time. Only one bill of which, was a $1, and the bill changer machine was fuckin broken. (Keep that in mind: I only had one 1$ bill. The rest was in a five and 4 twenties). Just my luck. A Small coffee costed exactly $1! I was elated. So, I proceeded to select the 100% Columbian Roast Decaf, and select the Cream and Sugar options.
    I hit the start button.
    My cup dropped, and the Fuckin machine started pissing away my coffee 3 FUCKING INCHES TO THE FUCKING LEFT OF THE CUP!!!I pulled up the plastic barrier between me and my beloved beverage in order to save my coffee, before it was too late. I heard a loud snapping noise. I had broken the plactic gate, thereby defacing state property. I shifted my cup to the left 3 inches to catch the rest of the falling coffee.
    I withdrew my cup, praying that noone had heard me Break the front of the machine. When I looked into my cup, I saw the worst possible thing: Nothing but a 2-inch high pile of dense, wet, coffee grounds.

    All that Fucking Shit for nothing.

    May whoever invented those machines suffer a slow and painful death by my hand.

  2. #2
    arunforce's Avatar
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    Boo hoo.

    No point on crying over spilt coffee.




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  4. #3
    Jackal's Avatar
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    It's not the spilt coffee im cryin over. it's the fuckin non-spilt grounds that make me mad. Life has a way of throwin one a fuckin curveball when they least expect it.

  5. #4
    ace76543's Avatar
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    thats just fucking hilarious...lmfao

  6. #5
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    the underpants of a popcorn maker are dangerous and powerful.

    remember

    with great power, comes great responsibility

  7. #6
    EleMentX's Avatar
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    you need great responsibility to have popcorn in your pants ??

  8. #7
    Jackal's Avatar
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    No. Just little intelligence.

  9. #8
    ace76543's Avatar
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    when's the last time you two have had CAT scans?

  10. #9
    EleMentX's Avatar
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    not sure...

    my cat had one a few days ago XD

  11. #10
    Jackal's Avatar
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    That has got to be the worst pun (If you could even call it that) In the history of time.

    And ace, they're called CT scans. They're just pronounced 'CAT' because it is easy to string two consonants together.
    Thats like UNICEF. the I and E have no purpose whatsoever. They're just filler. like this post.
    No meaning whatsoever....

  12. #11
    EleMentX's Avatar
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    In 1871 the Australian Natives Association (ANA) was formed in Victoria. This was the first Australian Friendly Society and its motto was Advance Australia. The group, which had particular influence in the period between the 1890s to around 1914, had strong nationalistic aspirations and its members included Edmund Barton (who became our first Prime Minister), Alfred Deakin (Australia's second Prime Minister) and Sir Isaac Isaacs (our first Australian-born Governor-General).

    The ANA grew rapidly and branches were formed across Victoria and in all states as well as a branch in London. By the 1880s, the group was making a nation-wide impact.

    The ANA supported many issues including afforestation, an Australian-made goods policy, water conservation, Aboriginal welfare, the celebration of proper and meaningful citizenship ceremonies, following the increased levels of migration after World War II, and the adoption of the wattle as the national floral emblem (accepted in 1912).

    However, some of their strongest support was for Federation and a united Commonwealth (along with the Federation League), the celebration of a unified national day and the naming of that day Australia Day.

    The general public appears to have embraced the 150th anniversary in 1938 with great enthusiasm. There were many celebrations and events for the Sesquicentenary - picnics, balls, musical performances and fireworks.

    A significant amount of memorabilia remains from the celebrations - invitations, pamphlets, program brochures, tourist leaflets from large regional towns and musical, art and literary competitions, indicating the number of events that took place. However, little in the way of permanent structures and reminders were created during 1938, unlike the 1988 Bicentenary.

    The euphoria of the 150th anniversary celebrations was maintained as February 1938 saw the staging of the British Empire Games in Australia for the first time. Of the 70 events held in Sydney, Australia won 24, far ahead of her nearest rival Canada with 13.


    I BET YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT

  13. #12
    arunforce's Avatar
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    WTF is Australia?




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  14. #13
    Bull3t's Avatar
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    I believe it is a country.





  15. #14
    EleMentX's Avatar
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    ITS WHERE I FUCKING LIVE

  16. #15
    Jackal's Avatar
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    okay.... That was really random....


    ...

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