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  • yes

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Thread: poem

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  1. #1
    DjSanta67's Avatar
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    poem

    less talking
    more killing
    more tickets
    less fuffiling
    cut off some words
    cut off some limbs
    count the money
    then do it again
    this is your life dad
    cash on a platter
    are you prod of your self
    for making it matter
    when i stand by ur side
    tell me who do u see
    am i ur ******
    or am i me
    are my wished worse
    than urs
    must i be wiht u
    on all of ur choices
    im a beast of burden
    not a birds that soars
    and the sound that i hear
    is closing doors

  2. #2
    H3ARTbreaker's Avatar
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    i think you'd be better off in the heavy metal department..
    nice tune though, lyrics have some amount of meaning
    try increase use of figurative language (repetition etc.) if you're trying to do a poem.. all you're doing is stating this and that

    GJ (Y)


  3. #3
    DjSanta67's Avatar
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    k thanks
    k thanks instinct

  4. #4
    ShAg123's Avatar
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    ehhhhhh i find it very simple but sometimes the simplest lyrics can mean alot but u need to start using diffrent vocabulary and make it seem like a fucking god wrote that shit ya kno what i mean?

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