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  1. #1
    jackpoop's Avatar
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    Please rate this little bs i made up

    LOl lemme try idk im kinda new tell me improvemeants pliz tx here i go

    I call out what i see
    when i look at you all i see is beuaty
    reppin all this shit i feel like a cat stuck in a tree
    dont know how to get down i count 1-2-3
    first im gone then im back
    michael jackson was better black
    my life is like a freethrow commin off my man shaq
    sucks dont it
    but bitch im only here for a moment <- idk i think this is sum eminem shit lol

    made this up in like 3 mins has no meaning watsoever. Its jus what im thinkin about

    feedback is golden?

  2. #2
    Stevie9090's Avatar
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    Personally, It's a little wet. But I gotta give it 7/10 just for giving it out there. Your mind is flowing.


    The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
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    A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
    -Unknown

  3. #3
    darkemi's Avatar
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    Last part awesome and michael jackson thing cool ! but this rap boring =s Sorry you ruined with the cat in a tree shit xD


    -A Wolf-
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  4. #4
    bikadechu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    LOl lemme try idk im kinda new tell me improvemeants pliz tx here i go

    I call out what i see
    when i look at you all i see is beuaty
    Sloppy transition and wtf are you tryin to say?

    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    reppin all this shit i feel like a cat stuck in a tree
    dont know how to get down i count 1-2-3
    Somethin chased you up a tree? Give more substance to it.
    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    first im gone then im back
    michael jackson was better black
    MJ was better white because he chose to do what he wanted. Don't believe the media spin.
    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    my life is like a freethrow commin off my man shaq
    sucks dont it
    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    but bitch im only here for a moment <- idk i think this is sum eminem shit lol
    Any insightful meaning to be taken from this is lost in its vulgarity.

    Quote Originally Posted by jackpoop View Post
    made this up in like 3 mins has no meaning watsoever. Its jus what im thinkin about

    feedback is golden?
    It needs a lot of work, honestly. Even for three minutes it is poor. Overall it jumps around to much so work on that and you should improve.

    Often times what you think is shit, it isn't art. I am speaking in general now not you specifically. You need to learn to bridge the gap between what is real and what it is that you feel.

  5. #5
    Ne-Yo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bikadechu View Post
    Sloppy transition and wtf are you tryin to say?

    Somethin chased you up a tree? Give more substance to it.
    MJ was better white because he chose to do what he wanted. Don't believe the media spin.

    Any insightful meaning to be taken from this is lost in its vulgarity.


    It needs a lot of work, honestly. Even for three minutes it is poor. Overall it jumps around to much so work on that and you should improve.

    Often times what you think is shit, it isn't art. I am speaking in general now not you specifically. You need to learn to bridge the gap between what is real and what it is that you feel.

    Chill the fuck out - it's a rap. Not every line has to have a meaning to it. It's not a story, which you post your opinions on every line.

    And the rap is a bit sloppy, not a great flow. For 3 minutes, it's not actually that bad. Keep it up.

  6. #6
    Atrox's Avatar
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    Where the fuck are the transitions its pretty bad m8. but dont get down, get up, try again till you get good at this man.



  7. #7
    Mokou-Sama's Avatar
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    I prettyt suck at rapping myself yet I need to say, this needs work. Keep working so u can get better and try to make a story IMO, or try to talk bout a certain subject, dont just throw lines away.
    Formerly known as gamer4evere



     
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