Results 1 to 13 of 13
  1. #1
    Aborted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Shitpost Defense
    Posts
    17,471
    Reputation
    3076
    Thanks
    6,394
    My Mood
    Twisted

    Demential Machinations

    Demential machinations of the vortexial enigmae,
    A subconscious yearning, the cessation of humanity’s days,
    Psychometric strangleholds within a sub-spatial mind,
    Eternal reformation, the berserker’s cubiform design.
    We take the abyssal descent into unchained destruction,
    An anomalous digression, blood drips into fluxion.
    A silken realm of light dancing in our heads,
    Profound calls to violence, our morality’s dead.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  2. #2
    Oneirish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Gender
    male
    Location
    3Oh!3, Colorado
    Posts
    4,573
    Reputation
    876
    Thanks
    862
    My Mood
    Inspired
    Quote Originally Posted by Aborted View Post
    Demential machinations of the vortexial enigmae,
    A subconscious yearning, the cessation of humanity’s days,
    Psychometric strangleholds within a sub-spatial mind,
    Eternal reformation, the berserker’s cubiform design.
    We take the abyssal descent into unchained destruction,
    An anomalous digression, blood drips into fluxion.
    A silken realm of light dancing in our heads,
    Profound calls to violence, our morality’s dead.
    dam that shits deep.

    love these last lines:

    "We take the abyssal descent into unchained destruction,
    An anomalous digression, blood drips into fluxion.
    A silken realm of light dancing in our heads,
    Profound calls to violence, our morality’s dead."

  3. #3
    MathiasCoC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Gender
    male
    Posts
    16
    Reputation
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Wow. Just wow

  4. #4
    Euphemistic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Gender
    male
    Location
    DreamVille
    Posts
    6,615
    Reputation
    1240
    Thanks
    1,309
    My Mood
    Twisted
    That was Beautiful

  5. #5
    Aborted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Shitpost Defense
    Posts
    17,471
    Reputation
    3076
    Thanks
    6,394
    My Mood
    Twisted
    I'm sort of OK with the result, considering I only put about 20 minutes in to it, though it's not my best work.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  6. #6
    Ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender
    male
    Posts
    7,924
    Reputation
    411
    Thanks
    998
    My Mood
    Relaxed
    "Demential" and "vortexial" aren't words.

  7. #7
    Aborted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Shitpost Defense
    Posts
    17,471
    Reputation
    3076
    Thanks
    6,394
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
    "Demential" and "vortexial" aren't words.
    Guess what? Demential is a word.
    Vortexial technically isn't, but I simply took some artistic freedom and used it anyway.

    Not like either point has anything to do with anything.

    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  8. #8
    Ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender
    male
    Posts
    7,924
    Reputation
    411
    Thanks
    998
    My Mood
    Relaxed
    Quote Originally Posted by Aborted View Post

    Guess what? Demential is a word.
    Vortexial technically isn't, but I simply took some artistic freedom and used it anyway.

    Not like either point has anything to do with anything.

    Niether Oxford nor Merriam-Webster have it listed as a word, but whatever floats your boat.
    Anyways, are you saying that since neither "point" has "anything to do with anything", that your entire opening line is pointless?

    I'm only trying to be objective since there's no real critique in this thread yet. I take textual compositions seriously, as they are a passion of mine. However, if that's not what you're looking for and you only posted a 20-minute work for the sake of receiving compliments, I will readily leave without another word.

  9. #9
    Aborted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Shitpost Defense
    Posts
    17,471
    Reputation
    3076
    Thanks
    6,394
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post


    Niether Oxford nor Merriam-Webster have it listed as a word, but whatever floats your boat.
    Anyways, are you saying that since neither "point" has "anything to do with anything", that your entire opening line is pointless?

    I'm only trying to be objective since there's no real critique in this thread yet. I take textual compositions seriously, as they are a passion of mine. However, if that's not what you're looking for and you only posted a 20-minute work for the sake of receiving compliments, I will readily leave without another word.
    Neither Oxford nor MW are the absolute say on English Vocabulary.
    I also never stated that the entire opening line was pointless, as I was pertaining to your irrelevant critique which never addressed anything but simple word choice. It's not as if I fabricated a word entirely, but merely added a suffix upon an already established one, in order to create a usable adjective. The word still retains its value, and no meaning is lost. I'm sorry if I colored outside of the lines of artistic expression.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  10. #10
    Ryan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Gender
    male
    Posts
    7,924
    Reputation
    411
    Thanks
    998
    My Mood
    Relaxed
    Quote Originally Posted by Aborted View Post

    Neither Oxford nor MW have the absolute say in English vocabulary.
    I also never stated that the entire opening line was pointless, as I was referring to your irrelevant critique which never addressed anything but simple word choice. It's not as if I fabricated a word entirely, but merely added a suffix upon an already established one, in order to create a usable adjective. The word still retains its value, and no meaning is lost. I'm sorry if I colored outside of the lines of artistic expression.
    There's a difference between altering a word for the sake of "artistic expression" and trying to make a word sound more complex than it is.
    I also just noticed that you're from Cuba, so there's an excuse for your incorrect grammar, usage of other words and your misspelling of "enigma", one that even Dictionary(dot)com doesn't recognize.

    I never meant to start a fight. I only meant to critique you. Evidently, that's not something you value, so I'll leave you alone.

  11. #11
    Aborted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Shitpost Defense
    Posts
    17,471
    Reputation
    3076
    Thanks
    6,394
    My Mood
    Twisted
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post


    There's a difference between altering a word for the sake of "artistic expression", and trying to make a word sound more complex than it is.
    I also just noticed that you're from Cuba, so there's an excuse for your incorrect grammar, usage of other words, and your misspelling of "enigma, one that even Dictionary(dot)com doesn't recognize.

    I never meant to start a fight. I only meant to critique you. Evidently, that's not something you value, so I'll leave you alone.
    Altering the word for complexity was never my goal at all. The sole reason for its alteration was so that it could be used in the context, which would require it to be an adjective, hence the "al" suffix. I also have near perfect grammar and spelling, far better than the average individual. You're merely pulling at straws for the sake of being an asshole, and haven't given a single piece of actual critique.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  12. #12
    Oneirish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Gender
    male
    Location
    3Oh!3, Colorado
    Posts
    4,573
    Reputation
    876
    Thanks
    862
    My Mood
    Inspired
    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post


    There's a difference between altering a word for the sake of "artistic expression" and trying to make a word sound more complex than it is.
    I also just noticed that you're from Cuba, so there's an excuse for your incorrect grammar, usage of other words and your misspelling of "enigma", one that even Dictionary(dot)com doesn't recognize.

    I never meant to start a fight. I only meant to critique you. Evidently, that's not something you value, so I'll leave you alone.
    there's not much critiquing going on, I mostly see slandering of words that don't exist in the English dictionaries. Besides it's not like the words used were "nigga" and "trigga" that rhythm and aren't actual words. This is poetry, not an essay report.

  13. #13
    Black Eyed Peas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender
    male
    Location
    Croatia
    Posts
    835
    Reputation
    42
    Thanks
    74
    My Mood
    Cool
    Jeez people, it's a good piece, that's all. Get over yourselves.
    TUMBLR
     

    My Full Gallery:
    [x]

    My Best Work:
    [x][x][x][x][x][x]
     







Similar Threads

  1. Fuck Coffee Vending Machines!
    By Jackal in forum Flaming & Rage
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 03-27-2016, 01:53 PM
  2. Better guide to hacking vending machines.
    By SadisticGrin in forum Spammers Corner
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-06-2006, 05:58 PM
  3. Hacking Coke Vending Machines
    By B-L in forum Spammers Corner
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 08-15-2006, 04:29 AM
  4. how to hack a vending machine!
    By EleMentX in forum General
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-26-2006, 05:56 PM
  5. Machine Gun vs Katana
    By arunforce in forum General
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-24-2006, 09:36 AM