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  1. #1
    Aborted's Avatar
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    Starting a Lengthy Narrative

    Got some inspiration, so I jotted down a few lines to a Narrative Poem I'm starting:

    Walking through the darkened wood,
    Ahead my cabin, there it stood.
    As I tread upon the blackened ground,
    My hearing reaps a wretched sound.
    A hellish scream to pierce the depths,
    Halts my feet and stops my breath.
    My vision blurs, I lose my sight,
    I try to see with all my might.
    My knees grow weak, my legs collapse,
    Now in my ear a tortured rasp:
    “From whence the realm devoid of light,
    From whence the realm where day is night,
    From whence the realm where demons roam,
    I come to nest, your mind my home”
    Into my head the words now seep,
    My body fails, I drift to sleep.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    — And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

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    [MPGH]Josh (12-04-2013)

  3. #2
    PathogenV2's Avatar
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    The woods are dark,
    the ass was deep.
    Deep truck pours sheep.
    The sheep are toasters.
    I am trucking chicken.

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    [DIN]Blake[DU] (11-24-2013)

  5. #3
    ヽಠ_ಠᕤ Headrockin' ᕦಠ_ಠ╯
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    IV2B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PathogenV2 View Post
    The woods are dark,
    the ass was deep.
    Deep truck pours sheep.
    The sheep are toasters.
    I am trucking chicken.
    Touching.

  6. #4
    pathogen_'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IV2B View Post
    Touching.
    Thank you, I was making art.

  7. #5
    Mokou-Sama's Avatar
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    Interesting poem OP had there. Although is it correct? Grammatically speaking. Since I'm not a native speaker, I had some time thinking about this.
    Formerly known as gamer4evere



     
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  8. #6
    Aborted's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gamer4evere View Post
    Interesting poem OP had there. Although is it correct? Grammatically speaking. Since I'm not a native speaker, I had some time thinking about this.
    In accordance with standard conversational grammar, no. Though almost all poetry, lyricry, and the like disregard clauses and word phrasing, as the words aren't meant for conversing nor making a clear point. I simply choose to write my poetry in short descriptory phrases over longer, more coherent passages, which would be used for prose.
    When the earth is changed into a humid dungeon,
    In which Hope like a bat
    Goes beating the walls with her timid wings
    And knocking her head against the rotten ceiling;
    When the rain stretching out its endless train
    Imitates the bars of a vast prison
    And a silent horde of loathsome spiders
    Comes to spin their webs in the depths of our brains,
    All at once the bells leap with rage
    And hurl a frightful roar at heaven,
    Even as wandering spirits with no country
    Burst into a stubborn, whimpering cry.
    — And without drums or music, long hearses
    Pass by slowly in my soul; Hope, vanquished,
    Weeps, and atrocious, despotic Anguish
    On my bowed skull plants her black flag.

  9. #7
    pathogen_'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aborted View Post

    In accordance with standard conversational grammar, no. Though almost all poetry, lyricry, and the like disregard clauses and word phrasing, as the words aren't meant for conversing nor making a clear point. I simply choose to write my poetry in short descriptory phrases over longer, more coherent passages, which would be used for prose.

    I enjoy your intelligence.

  10. #8
    Mokou-Sama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aborted View Post

    In accordance with standard conversational grammar, no. Though almost all poetry, lyricry, and the like disregard clauses and word phrasing, as the words aren't meant for conversing nor making a clear point. I simply choose to write my poetry in short descriptory phrases over longer, more coherent passages, which would be used for prose.
    I see your point. Now everything is explained.
    Quote Originally Posted by pathogen_ View Post
    I enjoy your intelligence.
    Stop mocking other users. No wonder no one likes you.
    Formerly known as gamer4evere



     
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  11. #9
    -WhiteNoise's Avatar
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    Veni Vidi Vici.

  12. #10
    HeroicXPharaoh's Avatar
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    Great poetry, 5/5
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