MPGH is not the place for this. You will get no pity from us.
That being said, if your going on 3 years now, you deffinitely aren't anywhere NEAR serious about suicide. And saying Islam prevents your suicide is a lie. No one but yourself can prevent it. Guilt is a stupid thing to worry about, especially regarding religion. Religion is supposed to be a source of happiness and joy, turning it into a guilt trip only destorys the point of it.
If your afraid of sin, you still have much to learn about the world. I suggest you take time to collect your thoughts more.