I Hate My Job

**Ken Jeong** · 06-02-2010

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly trying to fix her hair or put on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the wants or needs of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, yet she chooses to work with us. She is a 0 on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure if she even showers, and I think she is lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than your average pothead. He's baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober in the last 10 years, and he's only 22. To make things worse, he brings his dog to fucking work. Every day I have to see his Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second hand smoke.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in a van and solve mysteries and shit.