CnC on a rap for a project

[Lehsyrus]

I'm working on a project with a friend of mine. We make every kind of genre but the first thing I'm working on is a rap. I'd love to get everyones perspective on it. @Stoney Franklin I do respect the background you come from, this may not be your kind of shit but I want your feedback as well.


[chorus]
Freedoms be flyin' oh so far away
Not many of us are willing to say
We should all fight for what we believe
Stop fighting each other, and try not leave..

[verse 1]
One another, and another, we're all alone
The voice that puts us down has its' undertone
While one and a two tries to bring us down
We won't stop fighting and will voice our sound!

From our voices to our mouths we all believe
In another time another place none of us will leave
The fight for our freedoms, it's what we all want
Big brother's here and he's trying to taunt
Us into calling one another a terrorist it's shit
If another bill goes through I'm gonna have a fit!

They allow us all to be arrested for no reason
It may be cold here but it ain't cuz of the season
Yes it's winter yes it's cold but that's not why I get the chills
Until the day I day I'll be livin' the thrills
To fight for you, and to fight for me
We'll all be fighting for the same eventually..


[chorus]
Freedoms be flyin' oh so far away
Not many of us are willing to say
We should all fight for what we believe
Stop fighting each other, and try not leave..

[verse 2]
They say we're free but I don't see
Everyone all so happy in a hundred degrees
In here, over there, we're all unhappy
The bro fist raised they're taking action accordingly

According to what, their rules? Ah bullshit!
Why don't the rest of the world see that they're full of it!
But whatever they can think of me as they want
When the truth comes out it'll be too late
All them ******s try to levant

Hmm, what? You don't know what that means?
It stands for a pussy as their protesting seems
Pointless, be maced, and disgraced by the public
Though underneath it all we're all just subject
To a shitty life run by those who we trust
In the background their greed just fuels their lust

Their lust? You question as you ostracize me
For my beliefs, smokin leafs, you call it crazy
To be against what gave us the most
While deep down you know it true to my post
Post what? Post pardon depression yes it's true
I'm upset that so many of you, would believe it too..

[chorus]
Freedoms be flyin' oh so far away
Not many of us are willing to say
We should all fight for what we believe
Stop fighting each other, and try not leave..



That's all I got for now. What do you guys think?

[Stoney Franklin]

you show potential
honest message a real thing you wanna say
just need to learn lyrical invocation
and the use of ehbonics
what seperates rap from poetry is the contorted use of the english language to form a deeper and realer meaning to the message

[Lehsyrus]

you show potential
honest message a real thing you wanna say
just need to learn lyrical invocation
and the use of ehbonics
what seperates rap from poetry is the contorted use of the english language to form a deeper and realer meaning to the message

Thanks man I appreciate it. I've been listening to a lot of (hed) P.E and going back to ICP, as well as listening to some Murder Squad trying to get shit down like how they do their rhyme schemes and what ways they do it etc. I've also been listening to Mac Lethal not cuz he's good (he is pretty good for a nerdy ass white dude) but he has meaning behind his lyrics. That's mainly what I'm aiming for at the moment.

I'll definitely look into what you said though

[Stoney Franklin]

Thanks man I appreciate it. I've been listening to a lot of (hed) P.E and going back to ICP, as well as listening to some Murder Squad trying to get shit down like how they do their rhyme schemes and what ways they do it etc. I've also been listening to Mac Lethal not cuz he's good (he is pretty good for a nerdy ass white dude) but he has meaning behind his lyrics. That's mainly what I'm aiming for at the moment.

I'll definitely look into what you said though

remember they had people they listened to at first n found a flavor of their own..make music that fits who you are fuck what hed pe n icp does..they don't want you to use their rhymes
icp gets away with basic lyrics because the impact of what they say..if people just listened to the message behind the murder n hate n killin shit they would see that icp is simplicity at its best..real shit

[Lehsyrus]

remember they had people they listened to at first n found a flavor of their own..make music that fits who you are fuck what hed pe n icp does..they don't want you to use their rhymes
icp gets away with basic lyrics because the impact of what they say..if people just listened to the message behind the murder n hate n killin shit they would see that icp is simplicity at its best..real shit

That's actually why I'm listening to them, ICP is more for getting the feeling of giving off a "real" message, murder squad nationwide is what I'm mostly basing my rhyme schemes off of, and I just like listening to hed Trying to make shit people will respect and actually listen to for the meaning is difficult

[Drtro]

GAYYYYYYY


Rap sells sex and drugs, not this shit.

[Occidi de Pax]

Wait whats rap doing in the music section (not that i disagree) but there is a poetry rap section of the forum