my hearts torn tattered and bruised because of those bitches,
now needing a heart transplant and lot of stitches,
but theres no emotional morphine that can help me,
for i will always remember the pain from this memory,
seeing you scream your whole heart out
looking in your eyes and seeing low self-esteem and self doubt,
the rage just keeps growing with every year that goes by
but the truth must come out I cant lie,
every day I think of the unthinable I think how I can escape,
From my past from the awful things if done so I meditate,
for I cant live with these memories in my mind,
trying to move forward but constantly looking behind,
every night crying from the guilt of the past,
having to wonder how long I'll mentally last,
for behind the jokes lies a monstrosity,
I'm about to blow because of all the stress and calamity,
And I just don't know what to do,
I know I say the past mistakes don't define you,
But they stick with you forever like superglue,
And it hurts trying to peal away from that,
My heart is what the Lord is looking at,
Well it's filthy, ugly, and full of pain,
Years of accumulation of sorrow and shame,
Will here I stand yet again,
Looking for a way to get one more chance of forgiveness for my sin,
Here I stand again wondering what if i weren't there,
Who would of filled Tatyana's heart with care,
I wonder for hours at a time getting lost in thought,
Mind getting tired and sorrow saturates my weak heart,
And I ponder wounder ring what will be my fait,
When judgment day comes will I stand by heaven or helps gate?
I honestly don't no anymore and yes that's a shame,
But for now I laugh and smile and wonder how is it I stay sane,
For I didn't speak my voice I went with the grain,
And my silenced was deafening,
Well now I'm here and hope the story will soon be ending,
For I yearn for the day I see her again,
Lord please forgive me and clean my heart thank you and amen.