Hey all here post funny jokes you know and zenzure bad words.....
I will start with few jokes and you continiue:[and you can rate the jokes]
Some of jokes weren't made by me
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; " **** off you won't bring it back".
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Do you know best medicine?

RUM = Right Universal Medicine
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Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
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A girl walked up to her father and asked "Daddy, why is my name Daisy"? He replied "When you were born a Daisy fell on your head". His second daughter came up and asked "Daddy, why is my name Rose"? he swiftly replied "Because a Rose fell on your head when you were born". "Dee dee dee[daddy]", "shut up cinder block".
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Three guys are trapped on an island. They are bored and they want to get out of there. Some day, one guy found a lamp. He rubbed it and the genie popped out. The genie said "Give me your wishes!". The first guy said "I want be in my home." The wish was granted. The second guy said "I want to be at the Miami beach with a lot of women!" The wish was granted. And the third guy said "Erm, I'm bored now without my friends, I want them back so I can have fun!" The wish is granted.
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In paradise there are 2 lines:1st line-people who listened their wife
and 2nd-people who didn't listen their wife.
All the 1st line full with people who listened their wife and there was just 1 man at the 2nd line.The people from the 1st line ask him "why you stand there?" and he answers:"My wife told me stand here"

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It's December 23rd, a day before Christmas evening, and a little 5 year old girls tells her mother.
"Mom, I dont want an electric train set for Christmas anymore, so you can cross that off the list, make sure you tell Santa, instead of the Electric Train set, put brand new skates"
The mother replies "Well, why honey, why don't you want an electric train set from Santa anymore?"
The little girl says "Because I already found one in your closet"
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-And thats all for now more will come soon