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  1. #1
    Hyperion's Avatar
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    A Jewish CEO's guide to getting your dream job

    When you walk around major US cities, who do you see as the head executive of major companies?
    If you're a stupid Liberal and don't know the answer, the answer is us Jews.

    So now the question is, how can I impress my future Jew boss? In tough economic times, there will be many overqualified applicants applying for whatever job they can get their asses in. But of course, getting the job takes more than personality, qualifications, and experience. As a matter of fact, aesthetic also come into play.

    I am currently the owner of a prestigious law firm. I get many applications daily by the most brightest people in the nation, so qualifications for the job isn't what I'm looking for. The most important factor in getting a job is the size of your nose. Studies have shown that people with bigger noses are more reliable and are able to work more efficiently than people with smaller noses. They are good with words, such as lying to get what they want.

    I had a young lady apply for a job at my firm several years ago. She was clearly the most qualified applicant from my pool, yet I turned her down because there was a man who had the hugest nose I've seen. When she asked me why I turned her down, I said, "Darling, your nose just isn't big enough."
    The next week, I saw the lady again and I thought I had a heart attack. Her nose was 5-inches longer. She came up to me and said she had cosmetic surgery on her nose.
    Thanks to her surgery, her reliability level has gone up over 9000 points. I instantly fired the guy and hired the young lady. Then, within hours of hiring the lady, I made her the vice-President of my law firm.

    So the trick to succeeding is simple.
    1. Make sure you're at least half-qualified for the job you're applying.
    2. Get a part-time job and save up for a cosmetic nose surgery.
    3. Apply for the top position in a fortune 500 company.

    Your success rate is guaranteed 100%.

  2. #2
    Juan's Avatar
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    hows hollywood?
    MindTek Exists As A Harm Reduction Nigga And Does Not Condemn Or Condone.

    Rap & Hip Hop section.

  3. #3
    Hyperion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MindTek View Post
    hows hollywood?
    lolwut?

    Pretty god. /yea

  4. #4
    Derail's Avatar
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    Hm,let me see.....
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    Lmfao?/

  5. #5
    jmend736's Avatar
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    You lost me at jewish...

    I’m afraid of three things: Women, snakes, and the police. They all have the ability to hurt me and make it look like it was my fault.

  6. #6
    Hyperion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmend736 View Post
    You lost me at jewish...
    What? I'm actually one of the honest Jews in case you're thinking that I'm pulling crap outta my ass. This is good advice.
    Last edited by Hyperion; 07-14-2010 at 08:12 AM.

  7. #7
    epicfailure/'s Avatar
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    All i hear is a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication
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    I would say, "eh.. You've got a small nose for a jew".
    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  8. #8
    KING's Avatar
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    I'm not reading all that.

  9. #9
    -Lame's Avatar
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    Yeah sorry, too long for me + not interested.

  10. #10
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    TL;D R

  11. #11
    Krypton1x's Avatar
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    Wil thiz zill wurk fur me? I.m naot jwizh.

    No but seriously...