I, by no means, have a bad life. Sure, bad things have happened, a lot of bad things; my dad is a verbally abusive drug addict who absolutely hates me, my mom's depressed, my brother and I argue all the time, my best friend for almost five years won't talk to me, and though I have a large ring of close friends, very few of them understand me. None of these things are particularly abnormal. Not by today's standards, anyway.
I'm depressed because life is moving forward. I remember in elementary school how everyone, myself included, wanted to grow up and be in high school so desperately. I now have a year of high school left ahead of me, and I wish I was back in elementary school again, which up until recently I looked back on as some of the worst years of my life.
I'm not afraid of the real world, and I'm not afraid of university, employment, any of that stuff. I've always been over qualified for everything in my life. Some people aren't like that and have it really rough all throughout their life. I know I won't, so I'm sorry for bitching.
I just don't want to grow up. I want to continue learning in school, talking to my teachers, and playing with my friend's forever, and I know that will never happen. I know people who are going to be in University next year, and I know people who are winning scholarships. Everyone is growing up and leaving. I feel that I'm only just discovering who I am as a person, and now everything is about to come to an end. And I really don't want it too.
I've always been really close to my grandparents, who have always been really healthy considering their age and the things that they've experienced in their lives. Recently, they've both been having different health problems, and this is the first time I've ever really realized how soon they'll be gone. My grandfather has been a major role model for me all of my life, and he'll be gone soon.
I'm immature about this. I know that. I'm generally a tough person. I've learned to just go with something and accept it, my father has forced me to learn that. But for whatever reason I'm really having a tough time growing up and moving forward.
Everything I'm going through is the same thing everyone here has gone through already or is going to go through. I'm no special exception.
Like I said earlier, I don't have any close friends I can talk to and I can't talk to my family. I don't really have any close friend's on the internet, either.
I just wanted to get this off my chest. So whether or not you read this, or can connect to this, thanks MPGH.
Just realize when you make it big and get a steady, prosperous job, you're going to be set. As long as you don't worry about failing, and focusing on succeeding, you'll be going straight up. All you need in life is family, a good companion, and a good job. Have the best time with your grandparents while you still have them. At least you know they're dying happy.
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