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  1. #1
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    Sep 2010
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    Jokes Extremely Funny.

    Wrong Section? If so please move I did not know where to post it. And This is leeched by the way.

    Joke 1: Two men were in a hotel, standing on the 20th floor, which was the bar. Both of them were completely drunk. One says, “hey I’ll bet you $20 that I can jump down from this window and land on the window of the 15th floor.” “Yerrr on!” the other says. So the man jumps and miraculously he floats back into the window of the 15th floor. When he goes back to the bar he says “see… its just the wind that pushes you back.” “Ok my turn!” the man yells. He throws himself outside the window, hits the ground and dies. The bartender looks up and sighs. “Ya know Superman your a real jerk when your drunk."

    Joke 2: So a blonde and a brunette are in a building and they are told they have to jump out of the window because the building is on fire, so they do. Which one hits the ground first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions..

    Joke 3: One time, there was 3 kids, A Mom, A Dad, and a dog.
    The mom was in the kitchen and the dad was shooting bullets at a target
    the dad missed the target 3 times and the the bullets went into the brownies.
    The first kid came and said, “mom can i have a brownie,”
    the mom said "Sure."
    5 mins later the kid came back and said
    "mom i craped and a bullet came out".
    5 mins later the second kid came and said
    "mom can i have a brownie"
    the mom said sure
    5 mins later the kid came back and said
    "mom i craped and a bulletcame out.."
    5 mins later the last kid came and said
    "mom can I have a brownie?"
    The mom said "Sure."
    5 mins later the kid
    came back but then the mom said,
    "Dont tell me u craped and a bullet came out!"
    "No i farted and i shot the dog!!"

    Joke 4:
    MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
    said to Mickey, “You say here that your wife is crazy.”
    Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fu#*ing

    Joke 5:
    The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a
    .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then
    asked the navigator, “Do you know what I use this for?”
    navigator replied timidly, “No, what’s it for?”
    The pilot
    responded, “I use this on navigators who get me lost!”
    navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
    The pilot asked, “What’s that for?”
    “To be honest
    sir,” the navigator replied, “I’ll know we’re lost before you will.”

    Joke 6:
    A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
    “I finished the exam in a half hour,” she replies. “Now I’m rechecking my answers.”

    Joke 7:
    A guy walks into a bar. He’s ordering some drinks when he notices that there are two large pieces of meat stuck to the ceiling. So he asks the barman why they’re there. The barman says, “Well, it’s part of a little game I have going here. You’ve got to try and get those down from the ceiling without using a chair or a pool cue or anything else. If you manage, I’ll give you $200. But if you try it and you don’t succeed, you’ve gotta give me $200.”
    So the guy eyes up the ceiling for a while, and eventually turns back to the barman and says, “No, I’m not going to try it.” Of course, the barman says, “Why not? Look it’s easy, all you’ve gotta do is get them down off the ceiling.” And the guy shakes his head and says, “No, no, I can’t do it. The steaks are too high.”

    Joke 8: There were 3 Men stranded on a Island Then one day they found a Jeanie lamp and
    They Rubbed it. and Whoosh! a Jeanie Appeared,
    The Jeanie Said he Would Give 1 Wish to EACH of Them
    The First one said he wanted to go back to England
    So he was wished back to England, The Sencond guy wanted to go to Paris
    So he was wished to Paris
    The Third man had Nowhere to go So he Told the Jeanie to Bring back his Freinds, Teehee!!

    Joke 9: Patient: Doctor,Doctor I’ve Got 59 seconds to live.
    Doctor: Ok,Ok, Chill, i’ll Be with you in a minute.

    Joke 10: Old : A student asked his teacher if he could go the the bathroom.
    His teacher said he could if would sing the ABCs to the class.
    So the little boy sang the ABCs
    “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y AND Z.”
    The teacher ask the student “Where is the P?”
    The student replied “Running down my leg.”

    Joke 11: Yo Mama is so stupid, she was driving on the freeway to Disneyland, and the freeway sign said “DISNEYLAND LEFT” . So she turned around and went home.
    (P.S. Your Mothers are Very Smart, Don't think they'll ever be this dumb.)

    Joke 12:
    An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”
    The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “WHAT?”
    “What did he say? What’s he want?”
    His wife yells back, “He needs your underwear!"

    Joke 13:
    Once apon a time (Approximately, 30 years ago) there was a Hipster who had just gotten stoned. He got on a bus and sat at the back where there was a Nun reading the Bible. Being stoned, he asked, “Hey. Wanna hook up and score?”
    The Nun simply replied, “No no, thank-you anyway. My virginity is Sacred.” Feeling stupid, the Hippie finally gets to his stop and is about to leave when the bus driver stops him.
    “Dude, if you really want to hook up with her, you should go down to the Church every Sunday. She is a Christian and a dedicated one too. She literally LOVES Jesus!”
    This gave him an idea
    He dressed up as Jesus and walked into the Church on Sunday. Sure enough, he saw the Nun praying. He walked up to her, held out his arms and said, “Behold. I am the mighty Jesus Christ. Lets score.” She was overjoyed
    After it was over he ripped off the Costume and screamed, “Hah! I’m really the Hippie!.”
    The Nun simply replied,” And I’m really the Bus Driver.”

    Joke 14:
    Dashing through the snow
    On a pair of broken skis
    Over the hills we go
    Crashing into trees!
    The snow is turning red
    I think I might be dead
    I wake up in the hospital with stitches in my head!
    OH! 911 911 please take me away
    Oh what fun it is to ride in an ambulance all day..
    911 911 please take me away

    Joke 15:
    What does an FBI agent say to a condom?
    Cover me, i’m going in!

    Joke 16:
    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    The interrupting cow.
    The interr—

    Joke 17:
    One day a bussiness man took a vacation to the Grand Canyon.
    when he got to the grand cayon he saw a hespanic man renting donkeys
    to people. He gose up to the man, and ask” how much is it for a donkey”
    the man replies” 25$ a day”
    “okay” replies the bussiness man” i’ll take the strongest looking donkey that you have, that one over there”
    “I dont think you want that one senor, he no look to good.” replied the man
    “what are you talking about, that ones the strongest looking one you got” yelled the business man
    “okay senior you can have that one, but i warned you.”
    the bussisness man takes the donkey, and goes to tour the grand cayon and all of its mysteries that make it fasanating
    later that night the bussies man returns without the donkey, and with a broken arm and a broken leg.
    he crawls to the man and yells “that stupid donkey walked right off the cliff!!!!!!!!!!!
    the man sadly replies”i told you seinor he didn’t see to good.”
    Take me to the hospital before I pass away!

    Joke 18:
    A couple goes out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant
    and order the “Chicken Surprise”.
    The waiter brings the meal,
    served in a lidded cast iron pot.
    Just as the wife is about to
    serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees
    two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
    “Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband.
    hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again
    the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it
    slams down.
    Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains
    what is happening, and demands an explanation.
    “Please sir,” says
    the waiter, “What you order?”
    The husband replies, “Chicken
    Ah… so sorry," says the waiter, “I bring you
    Peeking Duck”

    Joke 19: Once upon a time there were three kids. a blond, a brunette, and a redhead. the redhead found a lamp and she rubbed it and a genie came out. the genie said go down that slide and while your going down, shout out your favorite drink and you'll land in it. the brunette went down it and said chocolate milk!! and she landed in chocolate milk. the redhead went down and she said SPRITE!! and she landed in sprite. the blonde said YoPEEEE! And She landed in... LOl.

    Joke 20:
    The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in
    sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,
    he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a
    child’s whisper. ” Hello ? “
    “Is your daddy home?” he asked.
    ” Yes ,”
    whispered the small
    May I talk with him?”
    The child whispered, ” No .”
    Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your
    Mommy there?” ”
    Yes .”
    “May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, ”
    No .”
    Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
    asked, “Is anybody else there?”
    ” Yes ,”
    whispered the child, ” a policeman ”.
    Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked,
    “May I speak with the policeman?”
    ” No, he’s busy ”, whispered the child.
    “Busy doing what?”
    ” Talking to Daddy
    and Mommy and the Fireman ,”
    came the whispered answer.
    Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through
    the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
    ” A helicopter ”
    answered the whispering voice.
    “What is going on there?!” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
    Again, whispering, the child answered, ” The
    search team just landed a helicopter .”
    Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss
    asked, “What are they searching for?”
    Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…
    ” ME .”

    Joke 21:
    A guy is going ice fishing and he walks out onto the ice and begins drilling a hole. A loud voice – the could be voice of God – sounds around him.
    “There are no fish here!”
    “Hm,” the man thinks, and picks up his things to move to another place on the ice. As he begins drilling his second hole, again he hears, “There are no fish here!”
    “Must be my lucky day,” he thinks. “Someone’s looking out for me.” And he moves again. As he begins drilling his third hole, the voice rings out, “This is the rink attendant! There are NO FISH HERE!”

    Joke 22:
    This illustrates how we have become totally dependent
    on our computers…
    Are you male or female?
    To know the
    answer, look down!!!

    Not here, Stupid.

    Look in your Pants..

    Joke 23: So there are these blondes and theres these brunettes and they where doing a contest to see who could do the best thing so the brunettes said to the blondes we are gonna fly to the moon and the blondes said to the brunettes we are gonna fly to the sun and then the brunettes said thats not possible you would burn up and the blondes said we already thought about that we are gonna fly at night!

    Joke 24: A minister dies and goes to heaven.
    Before him is a loudmouth man with a loud shirt, chain pants, and a loud hat. Saint Peter asked the guy what he did for a living.
    He said “I was the taxi cab driver of Noo Yawk City.”
    St. Peter hands him a silk robe, and a golden staff.
    The minister gets up to St. Peter. St. Peter asked the man what he did for a living.
    He stood up very straight, and spoke in a loud, clear voice, “I am John C. Maxwell, minister of St. Mary’s Church.”
    St. Peter hands him a cotton robe, and a regular staff.
    “Why”, asked the minister. “You let that taxi cab driver have a silk robe and golden staff but not me?”
    St. Peter said, “Up here we work by results. While you preached, people slept. While he drove, people prayed.”

    Joke 25: Two men are out in a blizzard, and they meet each other. then the first one asks:
    man 1:what are you doing out here?
    man 2:im looking for my wife. what are you doing?
    man 1:im also looking for my wife
    man 2:then we could look together.
    man 1:sure why not… so how does your wife look like?
    man 2:she is tall with long legs, shes blonde has a big round butt and good boobs, so how about your wife?
    man 1:screw her lets look for yours!

    Joke 26: One day, a rabbit was getting chased by a bear. Suddenly, a magical green snake came out of nowhere. He said, “I shall grant each of you three wishes.” The bear starts, “I wish that every single bear in this forest was female.” Poof, everyone of them was female. The bear thinks to himself that that was a wonderful wish. The rabbit says, “I wish I had a motorcycle helmet.” Poof, the rabbit got a small helmet that fit him perfectly. The bear thinks to himself that the rabbit must be really dumb. “I wish that I every single bear in this continent was female.” Poof, every single bear in that continent was female. The bear now thinks to himself that that was an even better wish. “I wish I had a motorcycle,” said the rabbit. Poof, a little motorcycle pops up right next to the rabbit. Hmm, that was a pretty good wish, thought the bear. “I wish that every bear in this world was female,”said the bear. The bear was now fully content with himself. The rabbit hops on the motorcycle, guns the engine, and starts to ride away. “I WISH THE BEAR WAS G4Y!” shouted the rabbit as he rode away.

    Joke 27: It was three days from Thanksgiving. A little six year old boy was sleeping, he suddenly awoke to his parents shouting, he heard the words “Bit**” and “bastard”. So he goes into his parents room and asks, what does Bit** and bastard mean? The parents dismiss him and say it only means boys and girls. The next night he again overhears his parents say two words, ” d1ck” and ” “condom” he goes in and asks what they mean. The parents say they are only names of coats. On Thanksgiving day, the boy is walking down the stairs when he hears his dad say “sh1t!” from the bathroom. He goes inside to see his dad shaving his beard. His dad tells him it’s the stuff he’s shaving off. The boy goes downstairs where his mom accidentally cut herself while slicing turkey. “f*c%!” she yells. The boy asks what it means and the mom replies it’s what i’m doing to the turkey. The doorbell rang, and since his parents were occupied he went to get it. Outside are all his relatives, he starts,” hello all you Bit**es and bastards, put down your d1cks and condoms. Dad is shaving the sh1t off his beard and mom’s inside the kitchen f#cking the turkey!”

    Joke 28: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
    The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
    The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
    The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

    Joke 29: On a hot blistering summer day, a redneck cowboy comes riding into
    town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under
    the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.
    About 20 minutes later a policeman comes into the bar and asks who owned
    the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy said that it was his.
    The policeman said, “Your dog seems to be in heat.”
    The redneck cowboy replies, “Ain’t no way my dog’s in heat, she’s cool
    cause I got ’er tied under the shade of the tree.”
    The policeman says, “No! you don’t understand; your dog needs to be bred.”
    “No way”, the redneck cowboys says, “Dog don’t need bread, she’s not
    hungry, I fed her beef jerky this mornin”.
    Now the policeman gets mad and yells out, “NO! you don’t seem to
    understand, your dog wants to have sex!”
    The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, go ahead. I always
    wanted a policedog!”

    Joke 30: there was a blonde, bruenett, and redhead stuck at the top of the cliff. a wizard comes and says “to get you off of this cliff all you have to say is what you want to turn into to fly to the city.”
    so the bruenett says eagle so she turns into a eagle and flys away.
    the redhead steps up and says hawk and changes and flys away. the blonde steps up but trips on a rock and yells “OH SH1T!!!”

    Joke 31:
    Okay, 2 Rednecks named Alen and tim were taking a walk down in the woods. It was a sunny day and the birds were chirping. Then suddenly Tim accidently shoots his own foot and goes unconsiness. Alen is in shock, but then quickly whips out his cell phone and calls 911. Once the operator picks up he says “Help meh! Help meh!” The operator responds: “Okay, Breath , than tell me what happened.” She said. Alen breaths in, then he gasps and blurts out “MY FRIEND IS DEAD!” And the operator responds ” Okay, First make sure he’s dead.” "....Ok, i can do that!” There was silence on the phone for 2 seconds, then the operator heard a gunshot.
    “Okay now what?” Alen said.
    "Holy Sh*---" -.-'

    Joke 32:
    One day a guy who works in the highest level of his office gets a phone call. When he picks up the phone the guy says, “I am the Viper I am coming to your building.” The guy thinks it’s just a prank call and continues his work. A few minutes later he gets another phone call and when he picks up he hears “I am the Viper I am at the buildings front door.” The guy laughs and hangs up and continues his work when he gets another phone call, “I am the Viper I am walking up the stairs.” Then he gets a phone call saying, “I am the Viper I am at your door.” Then the doorknob slowly turns and a short guy with black hair and a mustache comes in and says, “I am ze viper I have come to vipe your vindows, Also i hope i didn't scare youz!”

    Joke 33: A blonde walks up to a red head and says “what does idk mean”
    red head says “i dont know ” blonde says ” OMG nobody knows!!"

    Joke 34:
    Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He’s a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
    When I went to city Hall to renew his dog license,
    I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like one, too!”
    Then I said,
    “But this is for a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was 9 years old.” He winked and said, “You must have been quite a kid.”
    When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
    I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
    He said, “You don’t need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don’t care what you do.”
    I said,
    “Look, you don’t seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.”
    The clerk said, “Funny—I have the same problem.”
    One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed.
    I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
    He told me I should have sold my own tickets.
    “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on TV.” He said, “Now that cable is all over the place, it’s no big deal anymore.”
    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said,
    “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.”
    The judge said, “This courtroom isn’t a confessional. Stick to the case, please.”
    Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said “That’s not unusual. It happens to a lot of people.”
    Last night, Sex ran off again.
    I spent hours looking for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?”
    I told him that I was looking for Sex.
    My case comes up Friday.

    Joke 35:
    A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving
    and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I
    are divorcing; forty-five years of misery Is enough.” "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

    “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
    “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you
    call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
    Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
    “No way they’re getting divorced, I’ll take care of this!!!”
    She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT
    getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my
    brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR
    ME?” and hangs up.
    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife “Okay, they’re
    coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way .”

    Joke 36:
    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her
    pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s
    chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so
    sorry, your pet has passed away.”
    The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure?”
    “Yes, I’m sure. The duck is dead,” he replied.
    “How can you be so sure”, she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any
    testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a
    few moments later with a pair of Labrador Retrievers. As the duck’s owner
    looked on in amazement, the dogs stood on their hind legs, put their front
    paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. They
    then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook their heads. The vet patted
    the dogs, took them out of the room and returned a few moments later with a
    beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird
    from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches,
    shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is
    most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
    Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
    produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still
    in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried. “$150 just to tell me my duck
    is dead?!!”
    The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill
    would have been $20. But what with the Lab Reports and the Cat Scan, it all
    adds up.”

    Joke 37:
    A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were watching the news together. A man was getting ready to commit suicide by jumping off of a roof.
    The redhead and the brunette said to the blond, “We bet you fifty bucks he will jump.”
    And the brunette replies, “Well i bet you guys fifty bucks that he won’t jump.”
    So they continue watching, he jumps, and he dies. The blond starts to pay the other two but they tell her, “It’s okay. Keep the money. We say this story earlier, so we knew he would jump.”
    And the blond says, “It’s fine. I saw this story before too, but i didn’t think he would jump again.”

    Joke 38:
    So a blonde, brunette and a red head all died and before they got into heaven god told them they had to listen to 100 jokes and if they didn’t laugh at any of them they could go.
    The red head goes first and gets to the 34th joke and laughs so god told her she couldn’t got to heaven.
    The brunette goes next and she gets to the 70th joke and laughs and god tells her sorry you made it far but you can’t go to heaven.
    Then the blonde goes and gets to the 99th joke and god was so impressed he said “Wow you have come really far here is your next joke” and before he could begin to tell the next joke the blonde just busted up laughing and god says “what was that for i didn’t even start the joke?”
    “I just got the first one!”

    Joke 39:

    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.”
    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
    He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

    One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends.
    She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees.
    The boy says to the girl: “Go on climb that tree.”
    The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls panties.
    After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened.
    Her mum says: “oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your panties.”
    The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again.
    He told her to climb again and she did.
    when she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: “My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your panties.”
    The girl replied and said: “No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any panties”!

    Joke 41:
    There was an old man who had problems sitting staight up,
    So his grandaughter decided to put him in a nursing home
    when she went away to college. The daughter thought she had found the perfect place and propped him up on a couch with some pillows while she went around to look at the conditions. After about 5 minutes he began to tip to the left. A kind nurse came over and propped him back up. about a minute later he tipped to the right and again the nurse propped him back up. Right after that, the granddaughter returned and ask him,”I think tis place is perfect, what do you think?”
    And the old man said, “I like it but that nurse over there wont let me fart.”

    Joke 42:
    A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
    Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
    “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

    Joke 43:
    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”


    A Very Good Riddle: Make It Longer, Like add things when you tell your Freinds!

    One Day a Man was Heating his food in a 100 Floor Building, So he had to go back to the
    1st Floor to Sign in

    So he WALKED all the way down, When he came back up, the instance the door opened the whole room When "BOOOM"

    It blew up killing him instantly, cause Methane gas was being released in a air Tight room
    So when he opened the door a Smoker Lit his smoke, killing him to

    When it exploded it fell on a Cottage right next to the Building, it was a FBI building in.. Italy
    So a man in a VERY Small car went buy to buy gas which was 20$ a Gallon, and thats true
    So the Gas station was right next to the Cottage, The flames met the Cottage so the man called the Police to come get some help here so he could get gas, The Abulance came, Which building will it blow with water First?

    A 1: Building
    A 2: Cottage
    A 3: Gas Station

    Real Answer: Let them choose say "HA! YOUR WRONG"I said "AMBULANCE""!
    Last edited by N00B1O2; 06-05-2011 at 10:20 PM.
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  2. The Following User Says Thank You to N00B1O2 For This Useful Post:

    jerty000 (07-25-2011)

  3. #2
    1337skeet2's Avatar
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    In the bowels of bowels
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    i think it should be in the General section?

  4. #3
    Hugo Chavez's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
    in a package of SKITTLES
    General section I believe. And I rea the first dew. The bullet and brownie one was from when I was in 1st grade. In other words, old is old. -.-

  5. #4
    RavalloJr's Avatar
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    May 2011
    On MPGH's Moon
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    Nothing to do with combat arms
    /req move

  6. #5
    Reflex-'s Avatar
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    Mar 2011
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    Cool jokes but nuthing to do with combat arms so move this tto the spammer section

  7. #6
    Tristan's Avatar
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    Mar 2009
    MD, Canada
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    Way to long will not read.
    /Req move....No req DELETE.

  8. #7
    ~Shadowxeno's Avatar
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    Apr 2011
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    most retarded jokes ever. Req close

    Xbox 360 BF3 top 100 Jet pilots

  9. #8
    SpaceMan's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    I forgot. :/
    My Mood
    I read the first one and it's not even funny.

  10. #9
    The Dark Knight's Avatar
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    Sep 2010
    lol no one likes thiese MOVE THIS SHIT NAO

  11. #10
    mandelore52's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
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    In Love
    Dont be mean lol the jokes may not be LOLOLOLOL hilarious but I think number 22 Is quite clever lol. I smiled at the end when I saw the answer.

  12. #11
    The Dark Knight's Avatar
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    Sep 2010

  13. #12
    Stewie_Griffin's Avatar
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    May 2011
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    Bubba Knows Everyone
    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know in the world. Name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of hearing Bubba boasting, his boss said, "OK Bubba, how about Tom Cruise do you know him?"

    "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

    Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

    "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

    "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in, let's have a cup of coffee first to catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies.

    "Sure!" says Bubba.

    "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

    So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

    And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

    His boss looks up and says, I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

    now this is a joke

  14. #13
    AVGN's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    /moved .

    ^Thanks to RJ^

  15. #14
    shaudoy's Avatar
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    May 2011
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    wat a waste of 3 precious minutes....relocate it to gen. and thank me

  16. #15
    Hughesy's Avatar
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