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  1. #1
    moosicgawd's Avatar
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    if santa responded to his mail

    If Santa answered his mail honestly...

    Dear Santa

    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
    yeer yer Frend,

    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,

    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
    How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask
    for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

    Love,

    Sarah


    Dear Sarah,

    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
    like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you
    can do?

    Love

    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,

    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
    in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
    your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
    dream.

    Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
    a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

    Love,

    Francis

    Dear Francis,

    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay,
    I'll set you up with a Barbie.

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
    carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

    Love,

    Susan

    Dear Susan,

    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
    face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
    bottle of scotch.

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
    making toys?

    Your friend,

    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,

    All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas,
    where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
    drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
    while losing money at the craps table.

    Hey, you wanted to know.

    Santa
    - ---------

    Dear Santa,

    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
    we're awake, like in the song?

    Love,

    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,

    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
    I'm skipping your house.

    Santa
    ----------

    Dear Santa,

    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
    PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

    Timmy


    Timmy,

    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
    crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

    Santa
    ----------

    Dearest Santa,

    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

    Love,

    Marky

    Mark,

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
    your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
    live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
    like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

    Sweet Dreams,

    Santa
    The night fades with a breath of sunshine.

  2. #2
    Freek's Avatar
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    IN MAH HOUSE, DOIN MAH SHIT.
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    LO fucking L

  3. #3
    Devin1230's Avatar
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    Santa sent me a letter like that one year :'(.

  4. #4
    Shark's Avatar
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    I asked Santa why he wore a red suit, and he told me it used to be white...
    Bibamus, gaudeamus.

  5. #5
    Zhellbound's Avatar
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    LMFAO!.


    I love those.
    Deutschland wird wieder Reign!

    Ganja King
    Thank me if i helped

  6. #6
    chaoshacks16's Avatar
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    AHAHHAHAHHAHahahahha

    that was tooo funny

  7. #7
    Hyak's Avatar
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    LMFAO that is fucking funny

  8. #8
    Devin1230's Avatar
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    I know there fucking hilarious.

  9. #9
    BPK's Avatar
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    L O L

    Let me try and fail to come up with one.

    ---------
    Dear Santa

    All I want for Christmas this year is 50 bucks.

    Thanks,
    Jimmy

    ----------------

    Dear Jimmy

    Sure Jimmy, I'll give you something worth that much.

    Love,
    Santa

    --------------

    Dear Santa,

    What the fuck? You left me some ho with a note attached to her forehead saying, "this is how much she charges."

    Jimmy

  10. #10
    carbon23's Avatar
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    LOL
    Funny.

    THANKS TO BPK (BLACKPKERSTR) FOR THE AWESOME SIG!!
    <3 ALISHA

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  11. #11
    Joshcarr2006's Avatar
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    lol I'm skipping your house

  12. #12
    Stealez4ever's Avatar
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    Rofl, Are you gay, Im getting you a barbie.

  13. #13
    Plokmii's Avatar
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    Lmao these are hilarious moose
    Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.



    <20:35> Zhellbound: i fuck dead people

    <21:17> [CS]hotfudge: i need internet cause my face fails in life

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  14. #14
    HollyStorm's Avatar
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    very funny xD

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