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  1. #1
    Azathᴏth's Avatar
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    iSwag + creative writing

    Fuck yea. Got my iPhone today. Android phags and apple haters can gtfo. Feels like such a huge fucking upgrade from my old Envee Touch. It's like giving a Gutenberg a typewriter. So yea. I feel fucking great, plus I got some Bose MEI2s.

    I also have a short assignment due for creative faggotry due tomorrow. Basically we were given a few locations and people/animals to choose from, pick 2 people and 1 location, describe them, and make a short story based on descriptions. It's kinda late and I'm tired, so I might have left a few mistakes. Please proofread and give thoughts.

    /inb4tl;dr

    Innocence
    A young woman sits in a playground. A soft breeze ruffles her white gown and the tops of the palms surrounding her. She sits in the shade, on a small bench. Dapples of sunlight reach through the fronds, sent by the radiant sun in the clear sky. Her beautiful face is complimented by the frame of dark blond hair, flowing in the breeze. She is bent over a novel, her complexion one of complete absorption, eyebrows drawn together, with a smile playing on her lips. As if she’s reading something amusing or happy.

    Every now then, her concentration is broken and she looks up from her novel, spotting her little brother playing among the monkey bars, swings, and slide. A striped whirlwind with a shock of blond hair, sitting above a lopsided goofy grin, bright blue eyes behind round spectacles. The picture innocence and happiness, rarely found outside childhood. He sees his sister eyeing him, so he sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry, and runs away, laughing with delight. The girl, smiling, returns to her book. She is thoroughly engrossed once again in seconds.

    They go on like this for hours. One laughing and playing, energetic, never stopping for a breath. The other sits, totally still, completely absorbed in a world far from our own, subtle changes in her facial expression are the only signs that she alone is privy to the secrets of this other realm. Both thoroughly preoccupied, their concentration broken occasionally to check on one another. Both innocent, both happy.

    The sky darkens, and the first drops of rain begin to fall. Warm summer rain. Nevertheless, the girl doesn’t want to wet her novel, and the last thing she needs is for her brother to catch a cold. She calls his name and he races over. They gather up their things and leave the park just as the rain begins to intensify. The little boy laughs and runs ahead. She calls his name but can’t help laughing to herself. She runs after him, giving in to the impulses of childhood. And the 2 run, skip, and dance all the way home, through the soft sheen of summer rain.

    The man closes the book. Tears have begun to darken his lap, falling from a wizened, aged face. A soft smile plays on his lips as sad eyes the shade of morning sky eye the old women before him. Elegant gray hair frames the beautiful sleeping face, the soft beeping of the machine by her side giving the only sign that she is still alive.
    Last edited by Azathᴏth; 02-05-2012 at 11:50 PM.

  2. #2
    Ed's Avatar
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    What about iPhone haters?


    tl;dr





  3. #3
    Alen's Avatar
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    Waste of money. Should have gotten a normal Samsung Nexus or Galaxy SII or waited for Tegra 3 / next gen Esynox.
    I'm Alen on Steam. RIP Skype Friday nights.

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  5. #4
    Sir Nathan's Avatar
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    Nice on the iPhone. Now get a Mac and have everything Synced at the speed of light .

    I liked the story. However, I think you use much too fancy words. Like, perhaps you should leave the Thesaurus and write from your own soul/knowledge. If you wrote it from your own vocabulary, then you have a great deal of intelligence right there pal. Or perhaps it is because I am just Peruvian...
    God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

  6. #5
    Azathᴏth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by natiko View Post
    Nice on the iPhone. Now get a Mac and have everything Synced at the speed of light .

    I liked the story. However, I think you use much too fancy words. Like, perhaps you should leave the Thesaurus and write from your own soul/knowledge. If you wrote it from your own vocabulary, then you have a great deal of intelligence right there pal. Or perhaps it is because I am just Peruvian...
    I did write this from my own knowledge.


    Quote Originally Posted by Alen View Post
    Waste of money. Should have gotten a normal Samsung Nexus or Galaxy SII or waited for Tegra 3 / next gen Esynox.
    wut?

  7. #6
    Cole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cthulhu View Post


    I did write this from my own knowledge.




    wut?
    yah i dont see an issue in the language

    the only thing i could say about it if that you put 2 in there instead of two...
    the only word that is slightly above basic knowledge is wizened since i've never really heard anybody ever use it before..
    Last edited by Cole; 02-06-2012 at 10:07 AM. Reason: yea i realized that my correcting itself had a mistake but its point still stands

  8. #7
    Azathᴏth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cole View Post

    yah i dont see an issue in the language

    the only thing i could say about it if that you put 2 in there instead of to...
    the only word that is slightly above basic knowledge is wizened since i've never really heard anybody ever use it before..
    Where do I put 2?

  9. #8
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    waste of money, gotta pay $2 for download stuff
     
    I smoke dix daily.
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  10. #9
    Stevenom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ecstasy View Post
    waste of money, gotta pay $2 for download stuff
    Jail break.

  11. #10
    Azathᴏth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stevenom View Post


    Jail break.
    Which is easy as fuck now.

  12. #11
    Cole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cthulhu View Post


    Where do I put 2?
    yah sorry went to bed and woke up to this here is where it was in quotes
    " And the 2 run,"
    which i dont think your supposed to write in just the number in specific writing its supposed to be the actual name like two

  13. #12
    Azathᴏth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cole View Post

    yah sorry went to bed and woke up to this here is where it was in quotes
    " And the 2 run,"
    which i dont think your supposed to write in just the number in specific writing its supposed to be the actual name like two
    Yeah, I was actually wondering about that.

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