Thread: I like monkeys

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  1. #1
    ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ's Avatar
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    I like monkeys

    I like monkeys.

    The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
    odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
    look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

    I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
    name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
    bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
    Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

    I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
    environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
    high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
    spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
    they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
    Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
    cheap monkeys.

    I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
    room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
    like I had 200 throw rugs.

    I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

    I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
    a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
    bad.

    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
    to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
    there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
    them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
    it didn't all go bad.

    I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
    extinguish the fire.

    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
    my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
    wasn't improving.

    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
    bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

    I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
    allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
    one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
    frozen ones.

    I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
    friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
    them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
    the genitals.

    I like monkeys

  2. #2
    -Lame's Avatar
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    tl;dr .

  3. #3
    Gio's Avatar
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    Gratz on 7k?

  4. #4
    kd-'s Avatar
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    Cool story bro

  5. #5
    Euphemistic's Avatar
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    Nice Copy + Pasta

    Is this a 7k post ban?

    If so, congratz

    If not, go fuck yourself.

  6. #6
    HΔSTUR's Avatar
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    I hate monkeys



  7. #7
    Doc's Avatar
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    Cool c+p bro.

  8. #8
    ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ's Avatar
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    Dat C&P .

  9. #9
    Dave84311's Avatar
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    Monkey fucker...





    THE EYE OF AN ADMINISTRATOR IS UPON YOU. ANY WRONG YOU DO IM GONNA SEE, WHEN YOU'RE ON MPGH, LOOK BEHIND YOU, 'CAUSE THATS WHERE IM GONNA BE


    "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you lose.” - Dave84311

    HAD VIRTUAL DETOX

  10. #10
    Exotiic.'s Avatar
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    Congrats on 7,000.

  11. #11
    DєfKOniK's Avatar
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    fucking ong ass text. not reading. Gratz on 7k though ^^

  12. #12
    Famous's Avatar
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    Congrats on 7k.

  13. #13
    Borndel's Avatar
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    Didn't read lol. congrats

  14. #14
    sidhant9's Avatar
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    nice its funny

  15. #15
    stormy24's Avatar
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    really lol

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