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  1. #31
    Cheese156764's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidudeshi View Post
    Can you give me my grammatical errors please? So I can watch out for them next time.
    putting commas in the wrong places, etc. little things I fixed it up for you and marked 'em up with parentheses

    "...This is when I knew, well(,) sort of(,) that something was going to happen(,) [because] she was leading me to a large storage closet far down the hallway. She opened it and went in first(,) at this time I was not at knowledge that she was stripping in( )front of me, I didn't see because of the light. So as I was walking in and shut the door behind me(,) as I was told to do so by the lovely girl in( )front of me. She told me to turn on the light and when I did(,) her once clothed body, now nude(,) revealed the most amazing(,) luscious breasts I have ever seen in my life. That is when the "sexy time" happened."

    i changed it the least i could w/o affecting your original work except for the one word i replaced.
    With empty hands we come; empty handed we go.
    ~

    Strict contact: grimmreaper_mpgh@live.com

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    hidudeshi (10-29-2013)

  3. #32
    Taco's Avatar
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    pretty decent short story

  4. #33
    Takooda's Avatar
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    It's obviously a lie like Predator said... PICS OR GTFO



  5. #34
    Deflorate.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheese156764 View Post
    putting commas in the wrong places, etc. little things I fixed it up for you and marked 'em up with parentheses

    "...This is when I knew, well(,) sort of(,) that something was going to happen
    . She was leading me to a large storage closet down the hallway. She opened it and I went in first. At this time, I wasn't aware that she was stripping for me. I didn't see because of the light, so as I was walking in and shut the door as I was told to do so by the lovely girl in( )front of me. She told me to turn on the light and when I did(,) her once clothed body, now nude(,) had revealed the most amazing(,) luscious breasts I have ever seen in my life. That is when the, "sexy time," happened."

    i changed it the least i could w/o affecting your original work except for the one word i replaced.

    At least have correct grammar yourself.

    You capitalize I's, and the corrections you did were wrong in a lot of places.

    And he wants grammatical errors, not punctuation or spelling.

  6. #35
    Cheese156764's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Defloration. View Post



    At least have correct grammar yourself.

    You capitalize I's, and the corrections you did were wrong in a lot of places.

    And he wants grammatical errors, not punctuation or spelling.
    My indolence is inexhaustible. I didn't take much time at attempting to correct him, and I didn't take much time trying to correct it properly. My bad, however.
    With empty hands we come; empty handed we go.
    ~

    Strict contact: grimmreaper_mpgh@live.com

  7. #36
    Nat0's Avatar
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    Seems legit. nice 4 u

  8. #37
    hidudeshi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takooda View Post
    It's obviously a lie like Predator said... PICS OR GTFO
    Well you obviously don't know some laws in the U.S. You see if I were to have a picture, it would be illegal to post them. If it was legal I wouldn't do it anyway because I like to keep my privacy you perv.

    You just want to see my dick huh?

  9. #38
    KillTheNoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidudeshi View Post
    "sexy time" I said it because I didn't want it to be a very serious "love" story.

     
    Now heres how it went. Im not going to write it all because that would take too long...
    As I stood there in awe of what my eyes were witnessing she quickly reached for my shorts which were already risen from the sight. She knew I wanted this probably from one of her gossipy friends. Now it definitely did not go like a porn movie it went the opposite. It was very awkward at times like as I was saying when she reached for my shorts I started to help her which I regretted because it just made the process weird. A staggering 20 seconds later my shorts were off but my underwear was there and it was viewed as an obstacle for her, but with her slick hands she managed to get the tight cockblocking underwear off to reveal my peen, which I am not going into size but I can say she was happy. For me I had never gotten a blowjob and didn't know how it felt or how to stand/use my hands. Was I supposed to take her head and help her? I didn't do that I just stood there, it felt amazing but very awkward yet about 1 minute in I started to relax and it got easier. When she had her fill she made me lay down and sat on my snake which was bewildered by the soft tight tunnel which it fit perfectly in. Then it went on to the sex, it was great and all I had to do was lay there and enjoy it, for a full 3 minutes at least. It felt like 30 seconds with me helping her when she got tired. It was amazing, but I did not cum. I felt it but nothing happened when she was prepared to take it on her mighty fine tits. I was quite embarrassed but she was happy. Infact so happy that this became a routine each week except it happened more after school than in the lovely closet. I was sad to see her go when she moved but she promised to keep in touch via text. Freshman year is the best year!
    Why do you have so many nicknames for you dick do you dress it up aswell

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    Cheese156764 (10-29-2013)

  11. #39
    hidudeshi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KillTheNoise View Post
    Why do you have so many nicknames for you dick do you dress it up aswell
    I don't like to say it straight out, like "dick", "penis". It is just uncomfortable.

  12. #40
    KillTheNoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidudeshi View Post
    I don't like to say it straight out, like "dick", "penis". It is just uncomfortable.
    So your telling me your uncomfortable saying dick on the internet got how did you get laid

  13. #41
    hidudeshi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KillTheNoise View Post
    So your telling me your uncomfortable saying dick on the internet got how did you get laid
    I can say dick outside the computer, its just saying it on the internet makes me feel like a douche bag. It is just me.

  14. #42
    KillTheNoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidudeshi View Post
    I can say dick outside the computer, its just saying it on the internet makes me feel like a douche bag. It is just me.
    Meh whatever floats your boat i guess

  15. #43
    Takooda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidudeshi View Post
    Well you obviously don't know some laws in the U.S. You see if I were to have a picture, it would be illegal to post them. If it was legal I wouldn't do it anyway because I like to keep my privacy you perv.

    You just want to see my dick huh?
    Pics or GTFO is a saying, a internet joke you must not have a lot of internet experience if you don't know that and it's not illegal is she's 18+ and it's her privacy not yours



  16. #44
    hidudeshi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takooda View Post
    Pics or GTFO is a saying, a internet joke you must not have a lot of internet experience if you don't know that and it's not illegal is she's 18+ and it's her privacy not yours
    Its not a saying its asking for proof dumbass, she was under 18 and I was also.

  17. #45
    KING's Avatar
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    Long/Short horror story short. I got shit on my dick. Why me Jesus. Why.

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