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  1. #1
    Ferris Bueller's Avatar
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    Guys! Santa doesn't exist!

     
    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in
    the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim,
    Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this
    reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378
    million (according to the population reference bureau). Assuming an
    average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that computes to 108 million homes - presuming there is at least one good child in
    each.

    Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
    different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
    west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per
    second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good
    child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop
    out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the
    remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left
    for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh, and get onto
    the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is
    evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be
    false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are
    now talking about 0.78 miles per household. This amounts to a total
    trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

    This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000
    times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest
    man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4miles
    per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles
    per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.

    Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO
    set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons,
    not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can
    pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying"
    reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done
    with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them.
    This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh,
    another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
    Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons travelling at 650
    miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up
    the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the
    earth's atmosphere.

    The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of
    energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames
    almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and
    creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer
    team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right
    about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it
    matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a
    dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
    ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by
    4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs
    and reducing him to a dribbling mess of twitching innards.

    Therefore, if Santa ever did exist, he's dead now.

    Merry Christmas everybody.



    Copy Pasta
    Last edited by Martin Johnson; 12-26-2013 at 12:25 PM. Reason: Because I want to smd.

    "Religions are, by definition, metaphors, after all: God is a dream, a hope, a woman, an ironist, a father, a city, a house of many rooms, a watchmaker who left his prize chronometer in the desert, someone who loves you—even, perhaps, against all evidence, a celestial being whose only interest is to make sure your football team, army, business, or marriage thrives, prospers, and triumphs over all opposition. Religions are places to stand and look and act, vantage points from which to view the world. So none of this is happening. Such things could not occur. Never a word of it is literally true.”


  2. #2
    Raple's Avatar
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    That science though.

    You didn't account for Santa's "magic" though.


     
    Quote Originally Posted by cornerpath View Post
    I NEED TO HELP PEOPLE IN HOUSTON TX UNBAN ME I don't deserve to be banned ever! I am damn near A perfect users do I look like "Dildotheking" to you guys??? I can see him being banned this long but not me!
    Quote Originally Posted by cornerpath View Post
    I am not very happy about this. Now I have to live with two infractions for the rest of my LIFE!! Over a little spamming. That's like me going to jail for 934563498 years for jaywalking. Now I have to hang and chat with the other low lives with infractions!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by cornerpath View Post
    Hello, I would like to request Admin for A day. I have been in leader positions in certain things such as Roblox So I would hope you guys let me one day get od or Admin for A day
    Quote Originally Posted by cornerpath View Post
    Do not deal with this DEMON!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by cornerpath View Post
    THIS GUY IS THE DEVIL!!! TRIED TO SCAM ME!


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  4. #3
    Mayion's Avatar
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    I do not have an active Skype -- Always confirm via PM on MPGH when contacting me.
     



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  5. #4
    Rance-Sama's Avatar
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    I've seen lots of religions celebrating Christmas. I'm guessing because it's lost all religious significance, though, the religious significance was fake to begin with. I celebrate Christmas every year though my family is athiest. Well, it was a pagan holiday to begin with.

    Santa = Satan

    Conspiracies.

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    Ferris Bueller (12-26-2013),sherrallado (12-27-2013)

  7. #5
    Ferris Bueller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AqworldThunder View Post
    I've seen lots of religions celebrating Christmas. I'm guessing because it's lost all religious significance, though, the religious significance was fake to begin with. I celebrate Christmas every year though my family is athiest. Well, it was a pagan holiday to begin with.

    Santa = Satan

    Conspiracies.
    Yeah I made a thread baout that.

    "Religions are, by definition, metaphors, after all: God is a dream, a hope, a woman, an ironist, a father, a city, a house of many rooms, a watchmaker who left his prize chronometer in the desert, someone who loves you—even, perhaps, against all evidence, a celestial being whose only interest is to make sure your football team, army, business, or marriage thrives, prospers, and triumphs over all opposition. Religions are places to stand and look and act, vantage points from which to view the world. So none of this is happening. Such things could not occur. Never a word of it is literally true.”


  8. #6
    Aborted's Avatar
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    ​Damn wondrous if you ask me.
    I am the seer in the dark,
    the vagabond of yore,
    valediction.
    I am the sum of all your parts,
    and proprietor of all.
    A miasma,
    the conclusion,
    blackmonger of Inlé,
    valediction.
    Synapses fray,
    my form now vivid,
    as torpor sets and blood grows tepid.
    With every ounce of flesh now offered,
    I hold your corpse within my coffers.
    Knitted cells now split asunder,
    stand alongside me brother.
    Take your place amongst my Owsla,
    we march at dawn now and forever.


  9. #7
    Foreverdoope's Avatar
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    Now my life doesn't make any sense anymore

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  11. #8
    Brian Moser's Avatar
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    No problem for a Time Lord

  12. #9
    Josh's Avatar
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    But my mom exists

     
    Official Middleman since: 30 January 2014
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave84311 View Post
    I apologize to anyone who I have called autistic, for this is the most autistic thing I have ever seen. Thanks gbot.
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    You're the cancer of the marketplace. Someone vouch for me. +1


  13. #10
    TheFlyingDutchman''s Avatar
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    Santa was made up by a Coca Cola artist.
    "People don't change.
    Circumstances do."


    "Trying to find succes without working hard is like trying to harvest where you did not sow"















    Bullpop












    Will be my supp in LoL


    You spin me right round right round

  14. #11
    Brian Moser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheFlyingDutchman' View Post
    Santa was made up by a Coca Cola artist.
    Only the color

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    Ahmad (12-26-2013)

  16. #12
    Ahmad's Avatar
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    Lies I met him at the mall



  17. #13
    KILLTHEWICKED's Avatar
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    What I want to know is how many overweight guys you know can fit through a chimney?

  18. #14
    hidudeshi's Avatar
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    Santa clearly exists.
    In fact I am so special that he met me at my house.

  19. #15
    TheFlyingDutchman''s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Moser View Post
    Only the color
    All his looks actually.
    He used to look like a ugly midget who beat kids up when they where bad.
    Sometimes even eat them.
    "People don't change.
    Circumstances do."


    "Trying to find succes without working hard is like trying to harvest where you did not sow"















    Bullpop












    Will be my supp in LoL


    You spin me right round right round

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