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  1. #1
    Bernard.'s Avatar
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    Halp - Funny standup comedy or whatever

    I need to find a funny stand up comedy with the whole script and what not. Thanks for the help.

    Edit: Looking for something under 5 minutes.

    Edit: Looking for a monologue.
    Last edited by Bernard.; 03-06-2014 at 09:56 PM.
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  3. #2
    Aborted's Avatar
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    Don't have the script though.
    I am the seer in the dark,
    the vagabond of yore,
    valediction.
    I am the sum of all your parts,
    and proprietor of all.
    A miasma,
    the conclusion,
    blackmonger of Inlé,
    valediction.
    Synapses fray,
    my form now vivid,
    as torpor sets and blood grows tepid.
    With every ounce of flesh now offered,
    I hold your corpse within my coffers.
    Knitted cells now split asunder,
    stand alongside me brother.
    Take your place amongst my Owsla,
    we march at dawn now and forever.


  4. #3
    Raple's Avatar
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    Why would you need the script?


     
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  5. #4
    Bernard.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raple View Post
    Why would you need the script?
    Gotta find a stand up to memorize and declaim.
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  6. #5
    Express.'s Avatar
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    This was pretty funny.
    Member Since: 05-21-2013
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  7. #6
    Wednesday.'s Avatar
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    So I go to my mom's house and she is just looking at me and I'm like what, she says omg your beautiful and you like what? And then she is like no I was talking to the mop. Good enough?
    Use that thanks button if i ever helped you!

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  8. #7
    Bernard.'s Avatar
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    Bump .
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  9. #8
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    Don't have script but was funny.

    "Religions are, by definition, metaphors, after all: God is a dream, a hope, a woman, an ironist, a father, a city, a house of many rooms, a watchmaker who left his prize chronometer in the desert, someone who loves you—even, perhaps, against all evidence, a celestial being whose only interest is to make sure your football team, army, business, or marriage thrives, prospers, and triumphs over all opposition. Religions are places to stand and look and act, vantage points from which to view the world. So none of this is happening. Such things could not occur. Never a word of it is literally true.”


  10. #9
    kaysnd7's Avatar
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    Watch the roast of james franco. Too funny
    Like my post? Than click the "Thanks" button or Rep me! :3
    “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
    — The Doctor

  11. #10
    Bernard.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kaysnd7 View Post
    Watch the roast of james franco. Too funny
    Too long.
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  12. #11
    kaysnd7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernard. View Post


    Too long.
    Aw watch it! You won't notice the time, it's worth it
    Like my post? Than click the "Thanks" button or Rep me! :3
    “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
    — The Doctor

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