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  1. #1
    Deflorate.'s Avatar
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    Fell off the Wagon. (Serious Thread)

    If you guys don't care about serious, or life issues you can leave the thread right now. Or don't, doesn't really matter. Stay if you'd like, just thought I'd let you guys know why I might not be very active for awhile.

    ANYWAYS, onto the real thread here. To start off, I've been having a lot of issues in real life the past couple of weeks. The most stressful couple of weeks I've had in a long time. Been cutting again for the first time in over 3 - 4 years now. Not only that, but bought some hard drugs and shot up, after 2 years of sobriety. After being done with this kind of shit for so long, being able to feel myself slip back into my old habits is the most frightening thing I think I've ever experienced. There are times like this, where I feel as if I have control over my life and what's happening. But then when I come back into touch with reality I seem to lose all of that confidence, and suddenly look for an escape goat. And for me, that's drugs.

    This is not something I'm proud of at all, just completely ashamed. The only reason I'm posting this is because of the fact that I really have no one to turn to in real life, and I'm afraid that if I let all this shit build up inside of me I'm only going to go out and do something I regret. I know a lot of you, or most of you probably don't care. Might think I'm an attention whore or something, but it's whatever. You can think what you want. All I know is that posting this, and getting this off my chest has helped to a certain extent. Thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of this. I truly do appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Scotia's Avatar
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    What I'm about to say if probably going to sound stupid but it's the only thing that I can think of that would help you given the circumstances.

    If you can come across a decent sum of money (around $3000-$5000) then I honestly do think that you should move some place new, even if it's only for a few months. Gather everything that you own, pack your bags and take a trip to Colorado or Vermont, some place out of the way. Moving someplace new means that you won't have the facilities to get drugs or use them, you won't know anyone that has the means to get drugs for you. Rent out a room an apartment on a short term basis and try to establish some kind of daily routine to keep your mind off of things. With any money that you have left, spend it wisely but treat yourself to the luxuries of life and try and perk up. Writing all of this is easy enough for me and it's even easier for me to imagine it, but in reality things can get a little complicated. Think about why you're slipping out of your own reality and why you're doing these things to yourself, why you're going beyond reason just for a brief moment of release despite that fact that you could turn things around within a few moments.

    I know that what I'm saying probably sounds stupid and out there with some of the stupidest shit that I've said but I mean it. Establish a daily routine, leave town for a month and have fun with life. If money is the issue then all I can say is find a job and keep off any substances, no-one want a druggie to be working for them, that's the harsh reality. I wish you the best of luck with things Deflorate, I truly, truly do.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Scotia For This Useful Post:

    Deflorate. (07-09-2014),Symboliq (07-10-2014)

  4. #3
    FatAssHacker123's Avatar
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    Before I say anything I just have some questions because I don't want to talk without knowing some things

    What drugs you use and why do you cut yourself?

    About the drugs, if it's heroin try going on to marijuana or hash it might help you not feeling the need to shoot up heroin and are easier to drop and less dangerous for you
    Last edited by FatAssHacker123; 07-09-2014 at 09:41 PM.

  5. #4
    Deflorate.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FatAssHacker123 View Post
    Before I say anything I just have some questions because I don't want to talk without knowing some things

    What drugs you use and why do you cut yourself?

    About the drugs, if it's heroin try going on to marijuana or hash it might help you not feeling the need to shoot up heroin
    I do smoke, for medical reasons. It doesn't help relax me anymore, just kind of dulls my senses now.

    And I cut, because for the time being it feels as if it takes the pain away. For just a moment, I can relax. Maybe hope that all of this will be over. Sometimes I just take joy in it. I don't know why, but it's the truth. I know that it doesn't do anything but harm myself, I'm smart enough to know that and I've been down this road before. But when times are bad, I just can't control myself. The urges are too strong, and I can't get rid of them on my own.

    Hope that answers your questions.

  6. #5
    KillTheNoise's Avatar
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    Gonna say some pretty soppy shit

    Believe it or not I know where you've been for 2 years I had a serious pill addiction if someone was selling pills I wouldn't give a shit what type id buy a bag and have it poped by the end of the week id continue this more bags more pills endless cycle at some point my tolerance was so high I could have had 20 pills that night and feel nothing. I lost my job because I could never get up and to be honest the only thing that I could use to destract me and keep me on track was finding a hobby and my hoppy was cars and I built a job on that I got a job as a mechanic and when ever I want to go get a bag and just pop pills all night ill just smoke a joint I'm making a trip to Japan this year and I'm the happiest I've ever been just find something you good at and do it better than anyone else

    also just out of curiosity do you do hard uppers or downers ?

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    I only asked that last question because seeing my own blood causes a lot of fear in me and I just wated to understand how it can relief someone. I think you should remember one thing, you managed to be 2 years sober, you can do it again. Shoot up drugs are always hard to quit but you have done it in the past and you can do it again because you are better than that, drugs will only bring you more pain and suffering, if you really can't do it alone don't be ashamed to use help like going into rehab or another kind of program. Just do it. I am saying this because I have been into drugs myself, not the hard ones, hash and weed only, but all I had to do was say no to my brain and control myself the best I could. I haven't smoked anything in 4 months now which is the longest I have ever been without smoking. You just need to gather all your strength and apply it into this, leaving that kind of life, quitting drugs. I really hope you make it because I know how drugs enslave a person.

  8. #7
    Deflorate.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KillTheNoise View Post
    Gonna say some pretty soppy shit

    Believe it or not I know where you've been for 2 years I had a serious pill addiction if someone was selling pills I wouldn't give a shit what type id buy a bag and have it poped by the end of the week id continue this more bags more pills endless cycle at some point my tolerance was so high I could have had 20 pills that night and feel nothing. I lost my job because I could never get up and to be honest the only thing that I could use to destract me and keep me on track was finding a hobby and my hoppy was cars and I built a job on that I got a job as a mechanic and when ever I want to go get a bag and just pop pills all night ill just smoke a joint I'm making a trip to Japan this year and I'm the happiest I've ever been just find something you good at and do it better than anyone else

    also just out of curiosity do you do hard uppers or downers ?
    Uppers.

    And yeah, if I get through what I'm going through right now, I'll get back into music. Going to try and get back into it, so I can keep my mind off of slipping back into my old habits. Thanks for the post. I truly appreciate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by FatAssHacker123 View Post
    I only asked that last question because seeing my own blood causes a lot of fear in me and I just wated to understand how it can relief someone. I think you should remember one thing, you managed to be 2 years sober, you can do it again. Shoot up drugs are always hard to quit but you have done it in the past and you can do it again because you are better than that, drugs will only bring you more pain and suffering, if you really can't do it alone don't be ashamed to use help like going into rehab or another kind of program. Just do it. I am saying this because I have been into drugs myself, not the hard ones, hash and weed only, but all I had to do was say no to my brain and control myself the best I could. I haven't smoked anything in 4 months now which is the longest I have ever been without smoking. You just need to gather all your strength and apply it into this, leaving that kind of life, quitting drugs. I really hope you make it because I know how drugs enslave a person.
    I don't know if I can again. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, and also one of the most painful journeys of my life. I promised myself that I wouldn't go down this road ever again but under these circumstances, I just couldn't keep the promise to myself.

    If I come through with other issues in my life, the next step will be getting clean again. Thanks for the post, I appreciate it.
    Last edited by Deflorate.; 07-09-2014 at 10:07 PM.

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  10. #8
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    What are uppers and downers? Like raise your mood or get your mood down? :/

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    Quote Originally Posted by FatAssHacker123 View Post
    What are uppers and downers? Like raise your mood or get your mood down? :/
    Uppers are stimulants like Cocaine, Meth , Adderal & Ritalin that make you hyped up
    Downers are things like Xanax, Valium, Weed, Heroin & opiates (Vicodin, Percocet, etc), they sedate you

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  13. #10
    Famous's Avatar
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    Hope you get better brah.

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    I have no proper advice to give you since I have no idea what you're going through and have obviously not gone through the same thing.
    Only thing I could suggest is going to see a psychologist and or joining some sort of rehab program. But those are things you must push yourself to do.
    Very sad to hear that you're going through such times brother but just keep holding on and tell yourself things will get better.
    Really do hope shit gets better for you man and the tough times come to a stop as soon as possible.
    Push yourself in the other direction.

    SOUNDCLOUD



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  16. #12
    Austin's Avatar
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    I seriously dislike cutting. Someone harming themself like that makes no sense to me. Try to snap out of it, surely you have family and/or friends that care about you and don't want you to end up homeless and sucking dick for cheeseburgers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvmrROz7Plo




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    This is a deep thread, almost deeper than them cuts on your arm.

  19. #14
    Deflorate.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannibal View Post
    I seriously dislike cutting. Someone harming themself like that makes no sense to me. Try to snap out of it, surely you have family and/or friends that care about you and don't want you to end up homeless and sucking dick for cheeseburgers.
    Post made me smile, thanks. And for the record, I don't have family. And I don't get close to people. And it's something that I hope you will never have to understand. It's something that not even I fully understand, it's something that seems to take away the pain for a short amount of time.

    I didn't expect a response from someone like you, but even still I appreciate it.

  20. #15
    -Lame's Avatar
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    Does cutting take away the pain fo' real?

    I should start cutting since I'm dealing with enough problems, just for a try.

    I hope you get better brah.

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