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  1. #1
    Ahmad's Avatar
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    ADVICE FOR COVER LETTER

    Hello gang, so I'm applying for a job at this new gym that just opened up near by. Can anyone tell me if my cover letter is alright? Think it brings some attention to me? Serious comments pls :/ OH AND I CHANGE THE NAMES OF THE STUFFZ

    To the Director of Housekeeping, in regards to a further interview and hopefully, a job. My name is ________ and Iím a Junior at ______ High school. I would be perfect for a job in Housekeeping, and let me explain to you why. I am only 16 years of age, but when it comes down to it, Iím ready to work and help my family financially. I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority, and I pay more attention to detail than anyone I know. My mom, who is what you could call a Germaphobe, expected of us to keep everything in ship-shape. There was no such thing as ďspring cleaningĒ. Cleaning was year round and non-stop. Which meant that me and sibling had to keep everything tidy and in place. We folded laundry, did the gutters, washed the windows, anything that required cleaning, we did it. Its instinct to me to make sure everything is how it should be. I can bring organization and the ability to get anything done in fraction of the time it takes anyone else to. Also, being this could be my first real job, I feel excited at the thought of working and learning from someone who knows so much more than me.

    Sincerely,
    Ahmad



  2. #2
    Hachikuji's Avatar
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    you're pushing your story a little bit. stick to the main point of the message and fix your grammatical/spelling errors

  3. #3
    Ahmad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hachikuji View Post
    you're pushing your story a little bit. stick to the main point of the message and fix your grammatical/spelling errors
    Got it. Uhhh im kinda terrible with commas



  4. #4
    ミHorizon彡's Avatar
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    Too much sugarcoating in my opinion, take it back a bit and proofread carefully.

  5. #5
    Ahmad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by top kek View Post
    Too much sugarcoating in my opinion, take it back a bit and proofread carefully.
    REVISED:

    To the Director of Housekeeping in regards to a further interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and I’m a junior at High school. I would be perfect for a job in Housekeeping, and let me explain to you why. I’m ready to work and help family. I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority, and I pay more attention to detail than anyone I know. I can bring organization and I can take care of anyone needing help and will do anything that is asked of me. I can work from 4pm to latest 11pm on weekdays. Saturdays and Sundays I’m open all day. I can take care of anyone needing help and will do anything that is asked of me. Thank you.

    Best Regards,
    Ahmad


    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Hachikuji View Post
    you're pushing your story a little bit. stick to the main point of the message and fix your grammatical/spelling errors
    Is the one I just posted better?



  6. #6
    ミHorizon彡's Avatar
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    My version for you:
    To the Director of Housekeeping, in regard to a future interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and I’m a junior student at (Name of High School). I would prefer to have a job in Housekeeping, and I feel like I qualify, because of the following reasons: I am ready to work and willing to protect and give to my family, I feel like I’m mature, hardworking, and organized. I can help anyone with their requests, if they ever need it. I can work from 4pm to 11pm on weekdays. On weekends, I am available all day. I can take care of anyone who need help, and will do anything.

    Thank you,
    Ahmad Taha

    This was a quickly rushed version, so dont go with mine, but get with the template im trying to imply here.

  7. #7
    Ahmad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by top kek View Post
    My version for you:
    To the Director of Housekeeping, in regard to a future interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and I’m a junior student at (Name of High School). I would prefer to have a job in Housekeeping, and I feel like I qualify, because of the following reasons: I am ready to work and willing to protect and give to my family, I feel like I’m mature, hardworking, and organized. I can help anyone with their requests, if they ever need it. I can work from 4pm to 11pm on weekdays. On weekends, I am available all day. I can take care of anyone who need help, and will do anything.

    Thank you,
    Ahmad Taha

    This was a quickly rushed version, so dont go with mine, but get with the template im trying to imply here.
    To the Director of Housekeeping in regards to a further interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and I’m a junior student at Beaverton High school. I would be perfect for a job in Housekeeping, and let me explain to you why. I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority. I pay close attention to detail. I can bring organization and I can take care of anyone needing help and will do anything that is asked of me. Thank you.

    Better?



  8. #8
    Grizzly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmad View Post


    To the Director of Housekeeping in regards to a further interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and Iím a junior student at Beaverton High school. I would be perfect for a job in Housekeeping, and let me explain to you why. I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority. I pay close attention to detail. I can bring organization and I can take care of anyone needing help and will do anything that is asked of me. Thank you.

    Better?
    no not at all. give me like 10 mins ill whip something up

    - - - Updated - - -

    (If you're applying for janitor, I doubt there will be much work to be done to get accepted. Btw, if you want to have an interview, save the backstory and fine details for the interview, not just the message requesting an interview.))

    To the Director of Housekeeping regarding a potential job interview,

    My name is Ahmad Taha, and I am currently a Junior at Beaverton High School. I would like to request an interview for a job in housekeeping at (Name of gym). I have been raised by my strict mother, who tought myself and my siblings how to clean, be clean, and have an eye for detail. She has raised me into a respectful, polite young man and I would like to have a job so I may support my family, to repay her for the lessons and care she has given me. I would like to arrange a meeting with you so that we can further discuss how I may be able to benefit the gym and it's customers.

    Please contact me at:
    - 555-555-5555
    - Ahmad@email.com (Make a new email that seems presentable and official)

    Thank you for your time,
    Ahmad Taha
    Last edited by Grizzly; 01-08-2015 at 08:51 PM.

  9. #9
    Democritus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmad View Post


    To the Director of Housekeeping in regards to a further interview and hopefully, a job. My name is Ahmad Taha and Iím a junior student at Beaverton High school. I would be perfect for a job in Housekeeping, and let me explain to you why. I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority. I pay close attention to detail. I can bring organization and I can take care of anyone needing help and will do anything that is asked of me. Thank you.

    Better?
    Okay, I have seen little improvement in your prior three posts.

    Let me give you a good version, feel free to use this one.

    To the Director of Housekeeping in regards to a further interview. My name is Ahmad Taha and Iím a student at Beaverton High school. I am seeking the role of housekeeping. I am well fitted for the job because: I am a mature, hardworking individual with a firm respect for authority. I pay close attention to detail. I can bring organization and take pride in my work. My hours of availability are during the week are ____ and on weekends ____.

    Thank you for your time,

    Ahmad _____

    Contact Details...
    Last edited by Democritus; 01-08-2015 at 09:11 PM.

  10. #10
    𝕡𝕠𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕥𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕗𝕒𝕥
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    I don't know what kind of entry level job you expect to have where you need a cover letter and possibly resume? Seems totally overboard to me.



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  12. #11
    Predator's Avatar
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    Focus on your skills and what makes you stand out.

    You already wrote a lot about your skillset but you didn't go much into detail about each of them.

    How are you hardworking? What makes you mature?

    In general, just sell yourself. Make you stand out. In the real world, you would be applying against hundreds of other people who are just as good as you, if not better. Make a lasting impression by writing something the person would surely remember you for.

    Also a good tip would be to add something about the gym itself and how you can make a difference to it. Let them know your not there just for the money, rather for the experience or whatever you want.

    Hope this helps
























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  13. #12
    Confluency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arunforce View Post
    I don't know what kind of entry level job you expect to have where you need a cover letter and possibly resume? Seems totally overboard to me.
    Exactly what I was thinking.
    What kind of employer expects a cover letter for a fucking house-cleaner?

  14. #13
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    My version:

    allahu ackbar

    thats it
    Vouch thread





     

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    Nice Letter You Have This Job

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