Thread: While I'm Here

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  1. #1
    Organized Chaos's Avatar
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    While I'm Here

    So for the past few weeks I have been working on a rap.
    I need to make the chorus still but this is what I got
    Tell me what you think?
    @Organized Chaos's Sheep @Color's Sheep @HalfBajan @KillTheNoise @Mokou-Sama @xaviar


    Everyday I wake up
    Mom screaming, heavy breathing
    Wishing I could just keep dreaming
    Dream bout the past all those good laughs
    But the future's here at last
    Man it kinda whooped my ass
    Time to make my god damn statement
    So while I'm here I'll make it clear
    I walk on my own no fear
    I prefer to be alone
    I'm a fucking one man show
    Trials and tribulations tend to test my own patience
    When she says she loves you too
    But you know she back-stabbed you
    What do you do I got no clue
    carry on with this message
    Lace up tie my kicks
    Put a smile of my face for these god damn pricks
    I'm not the best but at least i'm in the mix
    If you listen to my rhymes you understand for sure
    Lyrical lecture, word architecture,
    Rap director, word connector, musical belief
    I tend to get nasty with a pen and some loose leaf
    It is where I live inside
    Cause this ain't a race to win, it's a run to finish
    I'll just do my best not to miss
    You know that I live for this and die for this
    Laugh for this and cry for this

    Chorus :

    Verse 2 :
    Before this game I was real low
    So down low, I didn't glow
    I take this beating everyday
    Not just from the words they say
    Start to wipe the tears away
    Daddy hits me anyway
    When it comes down to the line
    These words I rap, they are mine
    That's what differs you and I
    My career, I will make it
    Your career, you like to fake it
    Your ride is over
    No more fucking four-leaf clover
    You have false claims in your ink
    I got golden chains that link
    My life's had it's up and downs
    I express it through my sounds
    This shit I make, it is my blueprint
    Helped me pass all my classes
    Led me to my fame my passion
    My own passion not my fashion
    It's more than me I guarantee
    Let me show you my new world
    I am on the very top, all this bass I make it drop
    So while I'm here I'll make it clear
    I walk on my own no fear
    Let me show my how's and why's
    Open up my life my mind
    Brand new me, I'm refined
    I start to glow I start to shine
    The change in me
    It was the right time
    Now I see who I turned out to be

    Chorus :

    Verse 3 :
    God works in different ways still today it shoes
    Everybody knows that love comes and goes
    But I'll will never be a product or a brand
    But I see it through I got a plan
    Born with no state of mind, Blind to the ways of mankind
    God is smiling at me but he’s frowning too
    Because only God knows the shit I go through
    God knows this world has never seen it's peace
    People tend to hate and love no more
    They just fight these days, like whatever
    Whatever happened to the stay-togethers
    I’m with you, and that means forever
    Takes awhile for things to happen fast
    Then it hits you, you future is someone else's past
    My feet might fail me, my heart might ail me
    The slaves of Satan might accuse or jail me
    People say there life is shit, I would have to disagree
    It seems to me everyone one thinks they are a victim
    Acting like the world is out to get them
    You're full grown, get back up on your own
    Cause that life you saved ended up to be your own
    Lots of people say feelin good is an addiction
    But the world is full of shit, so I don't listen
    I live by my own motto
    Make it by yourself that is what I like to follow
    Life is something you can’t borrow and give back
    Here today and gone tomorrow, just like that
    You can take back all the things you give
    But you can’t take back the days you live
    Life is so fragile here on earth
    Livin’ every day for what it’s fucking worth.
    I live life just how I please,
    These years past so fast it was a breeze
    But I made here with ease
    So while I'm here I'll make it clear
    My legacy will live on even when I am gone
    Cause one day I'll wake up
    No more screamin, steady breathin
    This life here it is a bliss
    I wonder why it is like this
    I finally figured out here's why
    I figured out that I died
    I closed my eyes, these memories I keep
    Now it's time to go to sleep...


    - - - Updated - - -

    //Update\\
    Here is the song *no words yet*
    https://soundcloud.com/jrdrail/while-im-here

  2. #2
    Derpik's Avatar
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    Looks good.
    Last edited by Derpik; 05-19-2015 at 01:05 PM.
     

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  4. #4
    Galaxyxd's Avatar
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    New Eminem confirmed.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Galaxyxd For This Useful Post:

    Organized Chaos (05-19-2015)

  6. #5
    Mokou-Sama's Avatar
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    I vote for Organized Chaos to make a video rappin it. This is the theory, now you must do practice.
    Formerly known as gamer4evere



     
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  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Mokou-Sama For This Useful Post:

    squiddude123 (05-19-2015)

  8. #6

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to **Seals** For This Useful Post:

    yung trap lord (05-19-2015)

  10. #7
    Organized Chaos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by **Seals** View Post
    So you can write but can you spit ?
    Song will be posted either tomorrow or Thursday
    @Mokou-Sama it's coming bruh

  11. #8
    Mokou-Sama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Organized Chaos View Post


    Song will be posted either tomorrow or Thursday
    @Mokou-Sama it's coming bruh
    Oh boy, hold tight! (I want to hear it!)
    Formerly known as gamer4evere



     
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  12. #9
    crusadorzach's Avatar
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    GG man, I don't even like rap but those lyrics have feels
    The melody is nice too
    Last edited by crusadorzach; 05-19-2015 at 03:32 PM.
     

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  13. #10
    Logic's Avatar
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    the feels bruh.

    nice work!
    Schuba is my main nigga.

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    Could use some word changes
    I would Love if you could make a rap so i can get a better understanding because the lyrics might sound good but if you are actually trying to become a rapper i need to hear what you sound like
    I like that you have variety
    Overall I like it and i would give it a 9.5/10

    But yeah keep in mind if you are trying to be a rapper make a rap video about this and post it for us and the world to hear.

  15. #12
    Organized Chaos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xaviar View Post
    Could use some word changes
    I would Love if you could make a rap so i can get a better understanding because the lyrics might sound good but if you are actually trying to become a rapper i need to hear what you sound like
    I like that you have variety
    Overall I like it and i would give it a 9.5/10

    But yeah keep in mind if you are trying to be a rapper make a rap video about this and post it for us and the world to hear.
    Mend tellin me bout dem word changes? o.0!?

  16. #13
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    //kekek

  17. #14
    Do not Trade - Blacklisted
    6 Mo. (06/03/15-12/03/15)
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    Quote Originally Posted by xaviar View Post
    Could use some word changes
    I would Love if you could make a rap so i can get a better understanding because the lyrics might sound good but if you are actually trying to become a rapper i need to hear what you sound like
    I like that you have variety
    Overall I like it and i would give it a 9.5/10

    But yeah keep in mind if you are trying to be a rapper make a rap video about this and post it for us and the world to hear.
    I agree. Posting a vid on here or a link to youtube on here, it would get noticed by so much more people because most of mpgh will see it and give it a view and bump it to the youtube suggested page because of the thousands of people on mpgh that will view it xD

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by GalaxyBeatzz View Post
    New Eminem confirmed.
    CS supporting a fellow CS. Hehe.
     
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    HalfBajan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xaviar View Post
    Could use some word changes
    I would Love if you could make a rap so i can get a better understanding because the lyrics might sound good but if you are actually trying to become a rapper i need to hear what you sound like
    I like that you have variety
    Overall I like it and i would give it a 9.5/10

    But yeah keep in mind if you are trying to be a rapper make a rap video about this and post it for us and the world to hear.
    Yeah I agree, I feel as though I need to hear the rhythm of it toget it properly. Pretty good lyrics though never seen so many though for one song.

    SOUNDCLOUD



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