The last time I wrote something I was so choked up.
I was fed up.. I was drowning in my pain,
feeling the sorrow flowing through my veins.
I felt as if my heart had collapsed;
it had fallen on the floor
and it was battered and bruised.
I feel so shattered and used. I feel so confused;
drained from the happiness that once was mine -
..forget it.
This pain is just out of the ordinary.
The doc's told me this crap was temporary.
How can you just stand there
and tell me that I don't feel what I feel?
Truth of the matter is,
I've left all my feelings concealed
and they've just been revealed.
Why's everyone saying that I've changed?
I've been feeling so deranged;
sorry if I'm not being "me"
- sorry for acting strange.
But why the hell am I apologizing?
You're making me feel so
The way this pain feels...
so damn mesmerizing.
But you wouldn't know..
you're just on the other end
trying to comprehend
while my sanity just bends..
I've fallen too many times to count.
Gotten up too many times.
I'm just trying to find the signs
without having my thoughts intertwine
and letting go of this madness
and stating that this happiness is mine -
I'm lying to all of you
when I say everything is fine.
I can't find my happiness
so I stay at home crying..
just trying.
Trying to string myself back together.
Will this ever stop?
I hope this shit don't last forever..