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Quotes to live by:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers."
"If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0"
"Everything I say is a lie."
"Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."
"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way you'll be a mile away and he'll be shoeless."
"The thing about the ignorant is... is that they have both a right and left brain, like everyone else. It's just, there's nothing right in their left brain, and there's nothing left in their right brain."