What is going on... (Maybe long to read)
Hello,
Warning: If you're not up for long readings, you can go away and not comment some next level shit when you haven't read all the way through. Sincerely Sander, and thank you - I also know MPGH isn't the place where to seek help, but yeah I don't care.
Warning 2: If you are coming here to say "oh, you're not depressed or any of that" - then that means you don't have a empathy, so you can kindly fuck off.. /ty
If you have Read this thread by @moose then you would already know what has going on with me lately, but I don't wanna trash the thread made by him to talk about my feelings..
So, lately I haven't been quite alright since the break up between me and my girlfriend, she broke up with me because she wasn't happy with me so she found someone else who made her happy while dating me, and that made me feel like total shit especially I feel more down and depressed, even though I have meet 1 - 3 new people by having a temporary job, however that hasn't really helped me with the build up depression, anxiety and not motivated, I don't feel like going to work anymore, because of all the work I did was to get to meet her and be with her in person, but as we broke up, I lost the motivation, I started to hate her, I didn't want to hear her sorries, because "SORRY" wont cut what I feel, it wont make me feel better when it comes from her - I don't know, but I have a feeling that I always have had such a bad luck with relationships... So, now I'm taking a break from any relationships and let my heart to heal, if I go onto another relationship now, I may end up doing something more horrible than cutting or smoking...
It has been harsh on me, and I don't know what the hell to do... I feel like crying till my eyes bleed or till my head hurts from crying, I know five months isn't a big deal for some of you, but it was for me cos it was the longest relationship I have ever had, I still love her, but I have blocked her for 3-4 days and I wanna unblock her, but the way I feel I wont do it... Everyone told me that I should do it, even MPGH members did say so when I made a thread about my girlfriend being controlling which you can read here ...
I seriously wish there was some way to stop what I feel right now, and stop me from doing something horrible that may sadden everyone around me.. I'm open for hates, but even if you will hate this or me, I seriously don't care, because of what has going on, has made me not to care about anything anymore..
I also have quit trying to become a Counter-Strike: Global Offensive professional, it has gone down like this ever since I broke my gaming mouse.. And now I'm using my old mouse which I don't feel like playing CS with...
Thanks for reading this long ass thread, take care with best love.
Thank you @Aura and @moose for getting me 303 reputation, it may mean nothing but its big deal to me /gewd