[How To] Shitpost

**Sammy** · 05-25-2016

People seem to not realise that this is meant to show in a satiric way how NOT to shitpost. Hope this little header will clarify that.

So apparently in this community it's a big thing to shitpost and it gets encouraged a lot. Although I have found some experts on this matter, not everyone or gets it entirely. Here I will try to explain step by step and in a NOOB-friendly how to be a good shitposter

How to Shitpost

Intro
Before we get into how to do it, maybe a little explanation of what it is. To be sure I, myself, fully understood the concept of whatever this term means, I decided to use Bing!. Now here are some quotes:

1: The failure to make a constructive post
2: The inability to add useful information to a forum
3: Worthless overly offensive generally racists posts written in a manner which aggravates others.

4: Nrom

Urban Dictionary

“Shitposting” is an Internet slang term describing a range of user misbehaviors and rhetoric on forums and message boards that are intended to derail a conversation off-topic, including thread jacking, circlejerking and non-commercial spamming. On 4chan, the byproduct of shitposting is referred to as cancer.

knowyourmeme

So basically, not contributing to a thread or making a thread which no one can contribute to.

Alright on to the 'how to' steps!

Step 1: Think about how people will not understand or can not relate to your post/thread
Thread
If you are making a thread make sure it is complicated or weird enough for people not to understand what is going on, or something most members will be unable to relate to. It is important that most people that come to the thread really have no clue what to say so they will start being random too, this way you create a chain of shitposting which is a great manouvre for a shitposter. Another perfect example is to make a thread about another user, someone that got a new rank (like cocksucker). If you make a thread of it, most members have probably no idea who it is and yet they will have the need to respond, to feel 'They are part of the group'. This way only a small group of people will really know what's going on or understand how this person got his title. The rest will just post like they have been best friends with the rest for a long time.

Posts
For this pretty much the same applies just instead of thinking what others can't relate to, try to find a thread you can't relate to or don't understand. Act like you get it and join while you have no clue what is going on. The perfect start to becomming a shitposter.

Step 2: Use the right Font
Very important step! If you want to shitpost make sure you use the right font. A font that no-one can read or which generally gives people a headache. One of the recommended fonts to me are: Impact and.... uhm.. ye no just impact. When it comes to color try to use a color like: light grey, light blue, light yellow (or yellow), light red, light green or just generally anything which has light in front of it. Here are some examples of the perfect font.

Oh also, forgot to mention, try to go for either really small font size or really big. You don't want people to be completely unable to read you right or take up too much space, so make a decision in that!

Step 3: Always add a picture to your post
No I am not talking about your signature. I am talking about a picture which does totally not relate to your post but needs to be added anyway. For example, say you are insecure your post is not shitty enough, not yet a shitpost. Add one of those "Shitposting intensifies" pictures. Now members will first look at your picture and probably lose interest in reading the rest, which is perfect! Other pictures might work too but could have a less strong effect.

We started off with the beginner steps, next part is intermediate. If you are not ready for this try to practice the beginner steps first!
Step 4: Always mention Dave or Arunforce
Yes you are a hilarious shitposter, and the coolest kids of this community NEED to read this. In fact you should address it specifically to them but keep it public. So the rest feels that they are not supposed to reply to it because it's specifically for the coolest kids, but they do read it! It's also nice for the 2 admins to constantly getting mentioned in your shitposts because they really have nothing better to do!
if you read this you aren't much of a shit reader at least so probably neither a shitposter. I don't get why you are still here.
Step 5: Accuse others regularly of shitposting
Very important step. Once you are ready for this make sure to do this often enough. You are here to show extreme lack of contribution and the best way to not contribute to a thread is to critisize it (specifically shitpost critisism). Try not to explain why their post is shit or whatever reason you have to say this or think this. They aren't supposed to learn anything from your post! (This can be done as threadstarted too!)

Expert steps! Be ware, starting too early with this might cause you to accidentally NOT create a shitpost!
Step 6: Publicly tell people you are shitposting
Post to a thread (or make one) specifically saying that you are here to shitpost and nothing more. We are all here to get our postcounts up and we are not here to help and learn from each other (as a shitposter). In order to succeed in that a very nice way to do it, is just to express your unability of contribution to a thread in the most open and honest way. This brings the quality of the thread down instantly. If you are able to do this... Good Job, you are close to mastering shitposting!

Step 7: Do not be funny!
I know this is a very hard one for most of you, but please don't make nice jokes. This really is against every rule of shitposting. The point of being a shitposter is not to give people a smile on their face or even make them laugh. Instead try to make jokes where everybody gets gag-reflexes from. I know this is not easy but try to learn from the masters here!

Alright this kind of wraps it up. I know for those who want to become shitposters this might be a lot of lecture. But do your best and try hard and one day you might be the master in shitposting!

PS: For the simple-minded that wonder how NOT to be a shitposter, just do the opposite of these things!

Thanks for reading!