moose (08-06-2016)
For some people, listening music - even if it is happy one - wont help to ease the pain... Because that pain can be anything, for me it's just being damaged enough by female counterparts, like my now ex-girlfriend, she picked someone else to be happy and pretty much broke up with me, so she could be happy.. I now have her blocked to forget everything me and her did/had... I don't know how she deals with me blocking her, but I don't wanna know, probably feels bad, and she was one time pissed at me because I use my depression to get her, OF-COURSE I DID because I was SCARE to lose someone like her, but since I started working, I meet my now crush from the work I do now... She has made me happy because she is such an amazing friend... I've told her that I have a crush on her, and my ex girlfriend asked "Well, is she your crush" - I literally openly said yes she is... But now I'm taking a break from any kind of relationship, cos I'm way too scared within my heart to deal with another dumb break up... I was so near calling my now ex-girlfriend a slut/bitch for doing what she did.
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moose (08-06-2016)
Well damn. I'd say you should go with it. If you have a crush, you should go in as soon as possible or at least try not to get the feelings to overcome you. I had once a crush on a girl but I was way too slow and somebody else got with her. That feeling was absolutely horrible because I was waiting way too long and let the feelings build up in me. You shouldn't do the same error. Either you go for her or you drop her. You don't want the feelings to overcome you.
When people say they have built their own PC.
moose (08-06-2016)
She has a boyfriend, but her boyfriend is so jealous of me because of the work, and we can see each other (don't know where her boyfriend is from) - but honestly it doesn't matter to me, because I'm not like most of guys who get obsessed over the girl because they have crush on them... I have crush on her because she helps me to get through somethings and that is why I like her... There is another co-worker of mines who works at the same position as my crush, but she has a boyfriend too, however she called me cute... Um, I said that she is cute too - without an eye contact, cos I would have blushed by saying that - that happened while I bought some of the cider for myself, and she asked a document from me (because I look young) she thought I was 19, and when I told her I was 22 then she struck me with a compliment like I'm cute... Nobody hasn't really given me a compliment like that before, and now I will be seeing her again in 3 days, I'm literally happy dancing here... OH All the things work can do - I was unemployed for 4 years, now I almost have a job.
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moose (08-06-2016)
moose (08-06-2016)
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moose (08-06-2016)
moose (08-06-2016)
moose (08-06-2016)
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moose (08-06-2016)
Currently am clinically depressed, have severe anxiety to the point where I can't go outside with my parents because I'm afraid that something could happen to me or my family, and have self harmed for over two years.
I mean, I know teenagers suffer from this quite a lot, but something about me hurting myself and preventing myself from eating is making me question if this is all normal.
I don't let the social media get to me, because everyone who cuts and posts pictures online are fucking losers, but I mean, I guess I'm no better.
Everyday, I feel so sad, I talk in a monotone voice, and I only ever feel happy when it means something good can happen in the long run.
I've also gone through a toxic relationship, which hurt me a lot. Someone so important me treated me like...
Like.. He gave me $10, and I also gave him $10. The only difference that he had $200 and I only had $10. He treated me like I wasn't shit, event thought I gave everything I had.
I've gone to the hospital by will so I could get better. I got sick of staying in the hospital, I lied to the doctors, kept saying I wasn't sad, kept saying I wasn't anxious, and it was funny that they actually believed me.
I sleep early, because late at night is where I can be happy. I can listen to my music loudly, I can just cry. I don't know what can fix me, the hospital never helped, it was depressing to be around other depressed people. I'm kept away by antidepressants because I've overdosed before.
Life is horrible for me. At least socially. Everyone treats me like crap at school. I remember being locked in my locker, and couldn't get out for an hour and a half. I remember being pushed down the stairs, having my homework being ripped in the halls. None of this can possibly give me hope.
Everything's just so tough. I sound like a pussy, but oh well. *shrugs*
300th post as well ayeeeeee
Last edited by Kate; 08-06-2016 at 02:58 PM.
Kate (08-06-2016)
Thank you so much. @moose you are officially my favorite MPGH member, and I'll definitely hit you up sometime. I'll stay strong, and I hope you will too. ♥
moose (08-06-2016)
After properly reading through your post, I have started to understand somethings more about you, than I know about myself, however going through a toxic relationship is something I can relate to, because I was in one myself not long time ago, I even made a thread about this relationship and I wanted to know how to end this without hurting both parties, but the damage was already done to me.. I'm deeply sorry that you're going through such things @Aura - which I can totally relate upon... I've never been on a hospital because of this, but I have been in a visit to a doctor who deals with such things, but I haven't told him about the feelings or depression, but I have been wanting to do so, but I can't because I don't wanna know the outcome if I do it and I don't really wanna go under description medicine, due I don't really favor the medicine unless its in a favor to get rid of headache or when I'm sick like fever and others alike... I've never cried because of the depression or anxiety (yes, I actually have that too, I also have a social-anxiety, but my work is helping me with this a bit), I used to listen music loud, but since I work, I can't no longer do so, well I can but with headphones, but then I will rape my eardrums ..
Yes, everything is rough, but we're here for you, well I'm mostly here if you have a fell to talk about anything.. @Aura - but honestly, we will try our best to give you some kind of hope, regardless what it may be (well, I can hopefully do so)...
And, congratulations on your 300th post ♥ ^_^ - I'm deeply sorry if I made such a massive edit to this post, because I had to and now I just said what I had on my mind... I truly feel bad of what you had gone through.
Last edited by Charion; 08-06-2016 at 03:50 PM.
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Thank you for the rep boost, now I'm a sexier member cx <3
Stay strong @Mystical, I know this pain won't last forever~
moose (08-06-2016)
moose (08-06-2016)