good so far? , [ help, by adding on, change some, etc,etc]

[kublkun]

so basically this, my girlfriends crying, and she kinda of angry at me...long story, but I'm kinda high right now, so i'm written this poem/ rap or whatever, any help would be cool, might be bad, but ...I'm white XD, and i need to get my mind on something.

My baby girl is crying,
theres nothing I can do,
The thought of you hurt makes me wanna cry too,
I know that you are angry and I know that it's my fault,
but I don't want our relashionship to ever fall apart,

[Obama]

What did you do exactly?

[kublkun]

Well, I cant be there for her cause I cant drive till a year, I get her pissed, because I'm " not serious" about anything cause I'm trying to make her smile, I should also say ....she has a boy friend...were kind of in an affair, but idk what, I'm not trying to turn this into a b'aww thread XD.

[edit] I should also add I think, that I do ADDH meds, weed, and oxies, and I'm gonna stop doing everything, ( the doctor said im addicted to caffeine, so im stopping that shit T.T) for her, just trying to give you information, while out becoming a bitch

[Obama]

Lol an "affair".

Well, this girl doesnt deserve a poem imo. Its a waste of time.
How could you date a girl thats with another guy and with you.

Means she doesnt like you enough to break it off with him. You're getting played.

[kublkun]

well ... the reason they haven't really broken up...least this is what her best friend said, was that, he beats her, so she's afraid to leave ( one of THOSE things), I'm already getting him taken care of, hah I mean New Hampshire isn't no gang land, but he's some fagot that thinks he's in the crips ( i know ANOTHER one) things might not be coming out in the right order, but like I said, I'm on some shit. also, if you got any tips for getting an okay flow in rapping, I'd like to hear. thanks for your help guys, I ain't well known, but you guys make people feel like they were always here...( sorry for kind of rambling...)

[ShAg123]

hahah heres one

tell here this its just prettty daym simple hah

baby when im with you
sparks seem to began to fly
but what me and you do
causes reality to strike and we cant deny

you need to get rid of that dick
who beats you all that it hurts me
its starting to make me fucking sick
when you come home brusised and trembling to your kness

but baby just give it a chance
you never know what can happen
cause this shit may relapse
then youl notice this what you be lackin


hahah that was funny yea dont tell her that man