Does anyone have a low self esteem. (Note: I'm not looking for advice. No pity)

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

So I'm some 16 years old and:

 

I'm human trash. No skills. No particular knack for anything. I ain't a real gamer. I don't know computers much at all. I don't have much knowledge about anything besides a mere interest in general science. As a matter of fact I ain't a nerd at any topic. Sure, school is fine but I ain't special at it. I'm also ugly and out of shape. I don't have friends. I don't go out. I've also become an unsociable hermit.

All these things just make me feel abhorrently average or less with nothing unique to offer to my existence.

I occasionally fantasize about greatly helping the worlds problems, being one of the greats that make history instead of exclusively being made by history. But I keep on reminding myself that I don't really have any kind of skills to help anyone with or any cool quirk. My brain is just too average at everything for there to be anything of worth. At best I'll just be a nobody with small accomplishments and at worse I'll be a detriment to everyone due to my ineptitude.

My dad on the other hand is INFINITELY more sociable (he has friends and isn't bad with strangers) while I don't talk to anyone, have no friends, and rarely leave the house.

His experience as a handy-man makes him really useful around the apartment complex. Others often get his help for work around their house like installing fans, getting minor electrical work done, etc and they seem really grateful to him whenever they see him. So he seems USEFUL TO PEOPLE.

He also generally thinks more logically than me. Simple things like "use up change first instead of cash so that you don't have to carry a bunch of coins" never occurs to me until he says them. When he does I just feel like I'm inept at everything. What else do I do wrong? Do I clean the house wrong? If I'm told to do an favor will I do it wrong? The thought of being inept at simple tasks and my dad scolding me for it like he did when he told me about the "use change first" thing (or other events like it that I just can't think of) dogs me whenever I do something and he is around.

I guess my confidence to really DO anything for/with anyone has gotten worse. I keep thinking "ugh, I guess I'll take a meager stab at it" and I don't really do anything with anyone enthusiastically. Just a couple days ago I internally freaked about the possibly that I might suffer from performance anxiety when I was constructing a simple stand-up fan for a neighbor in their house and doing a bad job because of it. The job was only 10 mins or so but it was hellish.

So I should just man up and go out and find something to do, right?
Well, you'll find the answer if you look down a bit more.

 

My resume sucks ass. Along with no skills (or the cause of why I have no skills), I haven't done any extracurricular activities in all my years, I have no job experience, and only 20 hours of volunteering experience. I just casually play games on a shit computer (that I don't REALLY understand [look at problem #1]) and watch Youtube (and go to school) so I don't really have ANYTHING to put on my resume or anything to sell myself if I ever were to find myself in an interview. I also need 20+ more hours of volunteering by THIS September or else my high school won't let me go to classes that year until I do.

Many other people in my class and school have done many things and achieved a lot. All I did was learn about Islam and did mandatory school work for the past several years

So this is a pretty blatant problem, I need to do SOMETHING for a significant upcoming deadline (and after that get SOMETHING for my resume)

So I should just man up and go out and find something to do, right?
Well, you'll find the answer if you look down a bit more.

 

So I should just man up and go out and find something to do, right?

Sometimes I think to myself "yeah lets do that" so I normally go online to find something (since I don't even know where to start IRL [same problem when looking for ways to do something that'll make me more than average. I don't know where to even start]) and I find stuff like "be buddies with an elderly person and become friends with them for 2 hours every week" or something like that and I just can't imagine doing that. I think "I have nothing to offer". I can't talk to people anymore. I'm practically unsociable to anyone I don't know. I also don't have anything interesting in my life so I'm boring af. Got no special knowledge of things. Nobody would want me. I'd be more of a detriment than anything.

So I skip those offers.

Then i find stuff like "help monitor wildlife (must have degree in ecology) or something like that and I DEFINITELY can't take that since my education level is useless to everyone. So I drop them.

Obviously can't go far away. That shit costs money. I also only know English. I've also become attached to my home (since I stay there 24/7 so leaving it makes me feel increasingly sick and unhappy).

Same thing with jobs. I have nothing to offer, so I don't feel capable of doing any job.

So after getting my ego trashed looking at offers that either make me think about my social ineptitude and/or my lack of knowledge, I eventually realize that there is nothing online for me to do. And since I don't know my community at all and thus don't know where to start if I'm looking for something IRL, I just seem to hit a wall. Every opportunity to volunteer within the month is either out of my ability or so far out of my sight that I'll never find them without a miracle. So now I just silently dread with each passing day until September.

 

Since it never feels good to me to think about either problem, I just go on Youtube and don't think about it. Whenever I do think about it, I just feel boxed in. I can't summon the WILLPOWER to search for a change to my problems, either. I just feel permanently tired and alone. So I just stop thinking about it and listen to something that makes me happy (and I guess comatose in that regard). And since both problems has really lowered my self esteem throughout the past couple years, and since my window on the fifth floor has no protective net, I sometimes start to wonder about escaping everything in existence more and more. Especially at times like now when I decide to write about it at 1:13 am while alone at night.

TL;DR I'm pathetically useless at everything compared to everyone, live in the shadow of my dad, and can't find a way or a will out of my situation. So I don't think about it.

[Poison]

I have body dysmorphia will never be big enough, I also have abs but still feel like im fat

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

I have body dysmorphia will never be big enough, I also have abs but still feel like im fat

I don't have abs. Nor am I strong. Or good at sports. I'm just the slightly under average.

[Bernard]

I actually took the time to read everything you wrote and a few things:

1) The whole spend change before cash thing is stupid. You shouldn't feel stupid for not doing that. I never spend change and only spend cash cause I feel like a poor pleb when I use change. I just save up all my change and trade it to a bank for bills. Also, I tend to use my debit card for most transactions. I don't understand why it really matters. Maybe you're anxious of disappointing your dad. I've disappointed my parents multiple times now but I've come further than they would have ever expected.

2) Even if you think you haven't done shit, you can still get far. In high school, I did no extra curriculars and then I somehow got myself a government job through some employment for teens kinda program. Year after that, I got a job at some prestigious financial services company through my high school and even that job took no skill whatsoever. I just sat in an office alphabetizing peoples' files by name while watching Youtube, playing hearthstone, and listening to music. An elementary student can do that. Right now I'm unemployed and just finding random ways to make money during the summer (which is somewhat successful).

3) I'm a short scrawny Asian kid. But that's never really been a problem for me. I don't really care. I got connections. People respect me. I got my close ride or die homies. All I really need honestly. Just find your spot within your crew of friends. I'm sure you have some at least. Even the biggest losers from school had a few friends. Care not what others have/do but rather make the best of what you got.

[PrOgResS]

I actually took the time to read everything you wrote and a few things:

1) The whole spend change before cash thing is stupid. You shouldn't feel stupid for not doing that. I never spend change and only spend cash cause I feel like a poor pleb when I use change. I just save up all my change and trade it to a bank for bills. Also, I tend to use my debit card for most transactions. I don't understand why it really matters. Maybe you're anxious of disappointing your dad. I've disappointed my parents multiple times now but I've come further than they would have ever expected.

2) Even if you think you haven't done shit, you can still get far. In high school, I did no extra curriculars and then I somehow got myself a government job through some employment for teens kinda program. Year after that, I got a job at some prestigious financial services company through my high school and even that job took no skill whatsoever. I just sat in an office alphabetizing peoples' files by name while watching Youtube, playing hearthstone, and listening to music. An elementary student can do that. Right now I'm unemployed and just finding random ways to make money during the summer (which is somewhat successful).

3) I'm a short scrawny Asian kid. But that's never really been a problem for me. I don't really care. I got connections. People respect me. I got my close ride or die homies. All I really need honestly. Just find your spot within your crew of friends. I'm sure you have some at least. Even the biggest losers from school had a few friends. Care not what others have/do but rather make the best of what you got.

Wow man , that's some pretty good advice right there

[MyLateRegistration]

It might sound corny, but you should just try to be happy with yourself and try to improve what you think are your weak spots but never beat yourself to the point of being depressed.

Watch these two videos to the fullest and see if you can take anything from it.

[Raple]

I actually took the time to read everything you wrote and a few things:

1) The whole spend change before cash thing is stupid. You shouldn't feel stupid for not doing that. I never spend change and only spend cash cause I feel like a poor pleb when I use change. I just save up all my change and trade it to a bank for bills. Also, I tend to use my debit card for most transactions. I don't understand why it really matters. Maybe you're anxious of disappointing your dad. I've disappointed my parents multiple times now but I've come further than they would have ever expected.

2) Even if you think you haven't done shit, you can still get far. In high school, I did no extra curriculars and then I somehow got myself a government job through some employment for teens kinda program. Year after that, I got a job at some prestigious financial services company through my high school and even that job took no skill whatsoever. I just sat in an office alphabetizing peoples' files by name while watching Youtube, playing hearthstone, and listening to music. An elementary student can do that. Right now I'm unemployed and just finding random ways to make money during the summer (which is somewhat successful).

3) I'm a short scrawny Asian kid. But that's never really been a problem for me. I don't really care. I got connections. People respect me. I got my close ride or die homies. All I really need honestly. Just find your spot within your crew of friends. I'm sure you have some at least. Even the biggest losers from school had a few friends. Care not what others have/do but rather make the best of what you got.

was gonna type something then I saw MVP berny in here

[Bhigal]

Seems like you need to find a hobby of some sort bro. Why don't you join the gym or a boxing gym? That's usually where people start and it will open the door to many other things for you. Gym memberships aren't that pricy nowadays anyways.

[glory128]

Get in shape, make some friends, be productive

[niggo]

apart from the point that you might need some professional help in regards of the last point you made in the last spoiler

i would say start slow and try to do sports like 1 time a week so you get kinda used to it and start adding more exercises the more you do and the more fun it makes
for the job just look around in some craigslist ads, if you really want a job working at mcdonalds or so is more than easy and all youll be doing there will be explained (not like they throw you in and you just gotta make cheeseburgers without anyone helping you)
and youre only 16yet, so dont expect to have a lot of experience job wise, no matter what you start with theyll be very helpful when you start a new job

[PhantomSinister]

Nicely put together @Bernard.

Would like to also mention about the unsocial;
There is nothing wrong with being unsocial man, in today's generations a lot of people alike you have this problem, even the generation before you has it, it's widely known and people shouldn't be put down cos of that, I in the other hand, I has 3 years of experience at work, and I've seen my fair share of people coming to work not knowing what they should talk with people around them, mostly the younger kids, all they do is sit in the internet on their phones, which is silly cos it makes socially not weird but troublesome

[Allura]

I think a good thing to do is to keep a Journal. Just write any accomplishments you had that day, how you felt that day and plans you have for tomorrow. Keep track of what you are doing each day by writing it down so you aren't overwhelmed with all these problems and things you want to do. Writing it down will help you tackle each problem by the head.

A good quote to remember is "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality"

[PhantomSinister]

We all know that our parents most often (If not always) think that the decision made by them without discussing with you about it is the right one, but we all know that it really isn't the truth, sure, you can't discuss some matters with the child of your own cos they wouldn't be able to understand or think of a reason why their parents did so, a friend of mine was put into a school where most disabled people are going to, people with syndromes, people who are in wheelchair or whatever other symptoms they have in regards to being disabled, but as she got older, she wanted to be on a different school to study different things cos of the school she originally was weren't able to help her cos of "It would be hard to teach other kids" -- After all, people who are around the age of 1-7 cannot really make their own decisions, but they should still have a rightful choice for what school/job is the best for them.

Also, like I said, there is nothing wrong with being socially awkward or unsocial, but most of these problems lay under the rug of yours because you don't have a job where you can socialize with people around you, people who most often need help to find something, so you help them and show them a way to certain item, sitting at the phone while on launch time doesn't make your unsocial go away, it makes it worse, phone doesn't guarantee socializes, it makes things worse, if you want to get rid of the unsocial, then go and talk with random people around the school or something.

When it comes to not having skills; you can't really acquire skills by "complaining" about in a forum where "most" of the guys don't really have the skills like a normal workaholic does, social engineering is something everyone can do even without skills, same with refunds, you come up with some accurate excuse or bullshit you made up to tell them that the pencil or the item you ordered got lost, but you actually have the item, so people in here don't really have skills, some may do have them by coding game cheats (I would instead help anti-cheats become better than make the game worse - but that is my opinion) -- therefore, I wish the greatest luck with these "issues" you have.

[lumensasser]

I know this kind of "feeling" or situation.

You don't have to follow rules made by family, government or people around you. The human beeing is so amazing, you can everytime make a decision even when you absolute against it. So look at your options and do what is the most acceptable for your mind/soul/heart/anything you believing in.

Don't get it wrong, I love life even when I'm totally broken sometimes. When my friends (not really much friends but really good friends) not around I really like to be alone rather than a couple of "social people" sorrounds me.

 

And never give up this pretty life, i know its an option but the worse option of all time.
We have a sentence in german, I don't know how to write this in english, so I write it in German: Selbstmord ist eine endgültige Lösung für ein vorübergehendes Problem.

This may in english is: Suicide is an ultimate solution of a temporary problem.

Edit: sorry maybe permanent is the word i looked for. There are too many words for "endgültig" ...