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    I want to build self-confidence

    When I was a kid I never had any problems making friends or talking to people, but when I entered the 6th grade I started having really bad panic attacks to the point of not being able to really even be in a normal classroom setting. So basically for all of middle school I just slept in a "special room" which was really just where all the SPEDs went. These 3 years where I basically just slept ruined my life, whenever I try to talk to new people I feel lost like I don't really know how to hold a conversation. I had one girl who was interested in me but I ruined it because I'm too much of a bitch and couldn't tell her I was still a virgin who had only ever even kissed one girl. I'm really scared I'm going to go my whole life and never find a girlfriend or ever be able to make any new friends. Not really sure what I'm looking for in responses posting this I just have been holding onto this for years now and really need to get it off my chest.

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING! <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by TeraBiteSLayer View Post
    When I was a kid I never had any problems making friends or talking to people, but when I entered the 6th grade I started having really bad panic attacks to the point of not being able to really even be in a normal classroom setting. So basically for all of middle school I just slept in a "special room" which was really just where all the SPEDs went. These 3 years where I basically just slept ruined my life, whenever I try to talk to new people I feel lost like I don't really know how to hold a conversation. I had one girl who was interested in me but I ruined it because I'm too much of a bitch and couldn't tell her I was still a virgin who had only ever even kissed one girl. I'm really scared I'm going to go my whole life and never find a girlfriend or ever be able to make any new friends. Not really sure what I'm looking for in responses posting this I just have been holding onto this for years now and really need to get it off my chest.

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING! <3
    Listen homie, first of all how old are you if you don't mind me asking. Second, you have a long way left in life, getting a girlfriend is not really a serious priority but its nice for the social interaction and practice. Girls are not hard if you are somewhat confident in yourself, the only way to do that is if YOU do it, maybe hitting the gym or dressing better will improve your confidence but the rest is up to you. Girls think just like boys, do not have an expectation that they have to kiss you or have to have sex with you some girls are just not into that, instead bond with them at a personal level, ask them things about themselves cause girls love talking about themselves and it feels like someone cares. Your panic attacks are not out of your control nothing in your body is as it is your body you need to work through it and gain some more insight on yourself which can hopefully make you more at ease with interaction, just know you are not alone there are millions and millions of people like you and they succeed if they don't fall into the hole of self pity. PRO TIP: Don't tell a girl your a virgin or that you have never kissed its a turn off they will find out pretty fast once you start but they generally are nice about it, sex is not everything I will say it again don't feel like ur life is over cause ur a virgin, I know really smart guys who held off on girls till after college and got a dope ass job and a nice car and consequently a nice girl. However its not unicorns and rainbows what works for some don't work for all, the secret is finding out who you are and feeling confident in that person. Friends are easy to make too, if you put urself out there people will naturally gravitate towards you, if you connect on hobbies or any shared interest you will more easily relate. Start by complimenting people or saying hello on the street, I do it all the time I have random convos with strangers and never have I had a really bad one, most are great and uplifting, however some people are assholes just be aware some peoples days arent going well so they wanna ruin others, thats when you must know when to pick a fight. TLDR you sound young, coming from a father at a young age who had anxiety and self confidence issues you will be fine, you will blossom outta adolescence if you don't during it, just focus on your body image and your mental image of yourself! dont sell yourself short



    Last edited by Jov; 06-26-2020 at 11:10 AM.

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  5. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbuj View Post


    Listen homie, first of all how old are you if you don't mind me asking. Second, you have a long way left in life, getting a girlfriend is not really a serious priority but its nice for the social interaction and practice. Girls are not hard if you are somewhat confident in yourself, the only way to do that is if YOU do it, maybe hitting the gym or dressing better will improve your confidence but the rest is up to you. Girls think just like boys, do not have an expectation that they have to kiss you or have to have sex with you some girls are just not into that, instead bond with them at a personal level, ask them things about themselves cause girls love talking about themselves and it feels like someone cares. Your panic attacks are not out of your control nothing in your body is as it is your body you need to work through it and gain some more insight on yourself which can hopefully make you more at ease with interaction, just know you are not alone there are millions and millions of people like you and they succeed if they don't fall into the hole of self pity. PRO TIP: Don't tell a girl your a virgin or that you have never kissed its a turn off they will find out pretty fast once you start but they generally are nice about it, sex is not everything I will say it again don't feel like ur life is over cause ur a virgin, I know really smart guys who held off on girls till after college and got a dope ass job and a nice car and consequently a nice girl. However its not unicorns and rainbows what works for some don't work for all, the secret is finding out who you are and feeling confident in that person. Friends are easy to make too, if you put urself out there people will naturally gravitate towards you, if you connect on hobbies or any shared interest you will more easily relate. Start by complimenting people or saying hello on the street, I do it all the time I have random convos with strangers and never have I had a really bad one, most are great and uplifting, however some people are assholes just be aware some peoples days arent going well so they wanna ruin others, thats when you must know when to pick a fight. TLDR you sound young, coming from a father at a young age who had anxiety and self confidence issues you will be fine, you will blossom outta adolescence if you don't during it, just focus on your body image and your mental image of yourself! dont sell yourself short



    I've been trying to workout recently since it feels like my biggest problem with my confidence is my really bad self-image, but I've only just turned 16 so I don't have a car and the closest gym is about 10 miles away so I've just been running and doing some push-ups, sit-ups and trying to eat healthy, I've noticed already after only about 2 weeks of working out, and eating as healthy as I can a small change in muscle definition I doubt anyone else would notice but I really did and I really did feel confident in that moment. I really want to try and put some muscle on over the summer since I feel like I would have more energy maybe if I was more used to being worn out from working hard in the gym. Another big problem I've been facing is motivation, my mom and sister are also very unmotivated people which means usually I'm surrounded by people who just want to sit on the couch. I hate this because I love hiking, camping, and generally being in the outdoors but because I don't have a car and no one around me wants to do anything I end up spending most of the day either sitting inside playing video games. I think my life will improve a lot when I get a car and job because I'll have a lot more freedom to meet more people who are not just in my school. Sorry if this is kinda all over the place I'm not really good at articulating a point. Anyways thanks for the time spent reading.

  6. #4
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    I would suggest you to join toastmasters international or any similar club. You can use that platform to overcome your fears and the members will help you out. If you are able to give speech in stage/public then starting a conversation is piece of cake
    Last edited by Hector; 06-26-2020 at 12:51 PM.
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  8. #5
    It looks like you’re writing unsubstantiated nonsense. Would you like to turn on all caps?
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    Bro the best thing I did was get the fuck off this site, stop excessive gaming, and then up my hours at work.

    I was in the same boat as you, though I was "popular" in middle school until I was essentially expelled and started losing my communication skills due to being at a high gang actively school and trying to keep to myself. Got expelled from the alternative school a couple years later due to fighting, disappearing into the woods, and messing with their computers, BUT I was able to return to my home high school. Knew a lot of people and was able to befriend old friends, but couldn't talk to new people in the slightest... Even when I knew a couple of girls that liked me, I was too scared to say anything. Eventually started working more and gaining friendships through work... Dealing with hundreds of people daily really starts to make you learn how to talk to them. Also started dealing with some very shady people where respect and not being a bitch was required. Eventually adapted to that environment, but put those people as well as a lot of drug abuse behind me recently. Now I communicate just fine and tell people how it is and how I see it.

    Also get into cars, guns, and educate yourself on current world events; you'll be able to have conversations during your down-time at work the entire time.


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    Lift, martial arts, pursue a career, build a respected social circle and take care of your mental health.

    Devise a plan including the above, it'll give you a base to start from.

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  12. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed View Post
    Eventually adapted to that environment, but put those people as well as a lot of drug abuse behind me recently.
    Are you telling me you're no longer cooking dabs in nothing but your underwear and maybe an apron and chefs hat? Shook.
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  13. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cursed View Post
    Bro the best thing I did was get the fuck off this site, stop excessive gaming, and then up my hours at work.

    I was in the same boat as you, though I was "popular" in middle school until I was essentially expelled and started losing my communication skills due to being at a high gang actively school and trying to keep to myself. Got expelled from the alternative school a couple years later due to fighting, disappearing into the woods, and messing with their computers, BUT I was able to return to my home high school. Knew a lot of people and was able to befriend old friends, but couldn't talk to new people in the slightest... Even when I knew a couple of girls that liked me, I was too scared to say anything. Eventually started working more and gaining friendships through work... Dealing with hundreds of people daily really starts to make you learn how to talk to them. Also started dealing with some very shady people where respect and not being a bitch was required. Eventually adapted to that environment, but put those people as well as a lot of drug abuse behind me recently. Now I communicate just fine and tell people how it is and how I see it.

    Also get into cars, guns, and educate yourself on current world events; you'll be able to have conversations during your down-time at work the entire time.
    I don't have a job right now but yea I figure when I start working more and being forced into these situations I'll get used to it and understand how to talk to people more. I think another one of the biggest problems is my communication skills were developed when I was a kid and I didn't even get those 3-4 crucial middle school years of development in the way of speech. I don't think I talk like a little kid but I definitely don't talk like a normal person. Anyways yea getting more into things that people are commonly interested in could be a good way of making some friends. Guns and cars sounds good things I'm already intrigued with should be easy to learn more about.

  14. #9
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    Sounds like you got social anxiety versus something being wrong with you.





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  15. #10
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    here's some advice from personal experience;

    work out, even if you think nobody is noticing changes it's more for your mentality, give it a few short months and people will begin to definitely subconsciously notice

    change your hair style/length; hair plays a very big factor in public image

    look at new clothing styles; i highly recommend r/malefashionadvice r/streetwear alot of people think streetwear is all techy or just for teens but it's a very broad and i think alot of people can learn from looking at that sub

    raise your hand more often or ask for help; especially since youre 16 and probably still in highschool this is some really good advice, most people develop some kind of social anxiety because they dont practice social skills enough. asking for help or raising your hand shows others that youre willing to try and reach out to talk to others

    but overall best advice, try to apply all of this advice LITTLE BY LITTLE. doesn't have to be a big change in your life, just take it slow and add in little by little

    confidence is practiced on, it usually doesnt come naturally
    Last edited by boy; 06-26-2020 at 06:02 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bou View Post
    here's some advice from personal experience;

    work out, even if you think nobody is noticing changes it's more for your mentality, give it a few short months and people will begin to definitely subconsciously notice

    change your hair style/length; hair plays a very big factor in public image

    look at new clothing styles; i highly recommend r/malefashionadvice r/streetwear alot of people think streetwear is all techy or just for teens but it's a very broad and i think alot of people can learn from looking at that sub

    raise your hand more often or ask for help; especially since youre 16 and probably still in highschool this is some really good advice, most people develop some kind of social anxiety because they dont practice social skills enough. asking for help or raising your hand shows others that youre willing to try and reach out to talk to others

    but overall best advice, try to apply all of this advice LITTLE BY LITTLE. doesn't have to be a big change in your life, just take it slow and add in little by little

    confidence is practiced on, it usually doesnt come naturally
    I've really been wanting to change my hair style but regardless of length, or style my hair always seems to just be really shitty and flat with no style to it. I really want to grow it out long but I don't know if its even possible for me to do I know it will grow but last time I tried to grow it out it looked really shitty and flat. My hair and weight are probably the biggest factors into my self image being so bad. Weight is something I can fix pretty easily just takes time, I'm used to waiting for things don't mind that but my hair, how would I even begin to change my hair. My current hairstyle is really fucking basic literally default male haircut. I want to grow it out long evenly because I really want to get it to a point where I can do the OG Geralt hairstyle. Thank you for all the help and for taking the time to respond to my post.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TeraBiteSLayer View Post
    I've really been wanting to change my hair style but regardless of length, or style my hair always seems to just be really shitty and flat with no style to it. I really want to grow it out long but I don't know if its even possible for me to do I know it will grow but last time I tried to grow it out it looked really shitty and flat. My hair and weight are probably the biggest factors into my self image being so bad. Weight is something I can fix pretty easily just takes time, I'm used to waiting for things don't mind that but my hair, how would I even begin to change my hair. My current hairstyle is really fucking basic literally default male haircut. I want to grow it out long evenly because I really want to get it to a point where I can do the OG Geralt hairstyle. Thank you for all the help and for taking the time to respond to my post.
    I also had experience with exactly what you're explaining about the hair situation, for such a long part of my life I kept it 'bland with no shape' and 'default hairstyle' just because the barber was a family friend and I never felt comfortable speaking up and saying "hey i don't like the way you cut/style my hair" until i ended up telling my mom i wanted to go to a different barber and going to a new barber just made me feel so much more comfortable in telling them what i was looking for.

    My hairstyle also had a big impact on my self-image and i'm telling you rn if you just start experimenting and finding out what looks good for you it'll help so much.

    I highly recommend Luca Santangelo on youtube he's a pretty laid back youtuber who gives really good advice on growing your hair out, styles, maintenance, etc

    personally what i do to experiment with hairstyles;
    - go to a bunch of different barbers and see which ones i like (this is easy for me since i go to a college where students cut hair for really cheap)
    - wear this hairstyle for a couple days, change it back to what im comfortable with for a few days, and then go back to hairstyle i was testing out and see if i still like it (ALTERNATING HAIRSTYLES IS IMPORTANT to finding out what you feel comfortable)
    - dont overuse product, but also dont neglect hair care; if the style youre going for doesnt require product you should still look for product that can keep your hair healthy and less 'flat-looking' as you put it.

    also i would definitely just refund some clothes online and try out some new fits take advantage of the current situation we're in; refunds are somewhat easy right now, and alot of retailers are still giving huge sale/discounts

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  21. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeraBiteSLayer View Post
    I've really been wanting to change my hair style but regardless of length, or style my hair always seems to just be really shitty and flat with no style to it. I really want to grow it out long but I don't know if its even possible for me to do I know it will grow but last time I tried to grow it out it looked really shitty and flat. My hair and weight are probably the biggest factors into my self image being so bad. Weight is something I can fix pretty easily just takes time, I'm used to waiting for things don't mind that but my hair, how would I even begin to change my hair. My current hairstyle is really fucking basic literally default male haircut. I want to grow it out long evenly because I really want to get it to a point where I can do the OG Geralt hairstyle. Thank you for all the help and for taking the time to respond to my post.
    Have you tried different hair products? Not talking shampoo but like gels...spiking glue even. I've tried a handful of hairstyles but now I just settle with a generic high fade. I had a fohawk stage for a while. Makes me cringe a bit now. Good learning experience trying new things out. If you cringe at yourself, it's good cause that means you're learning and growing as a person. High school is quite an anxiety-ridden, fun, emotional, experimental roller coaster ride.
    Last edited by Bernard.; 06-27-2020 at 12:54 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernard. View Post
    I had a fohawk stage for a while.
    I had a bowl cut phase :|

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    Quote Originally Posted by bou View Post


    I had a bowl cut phase :|
    Omg lmaooo. I would not wish that upon anyone. Rt wonder if anyone can actually rock it like how some girls can rock short hair. What made you think "ah maybe a bowl cut"? One hairstyle that I thought about but glad I didn't do was liberty spikes. Oh lord the cringe.
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