How to speak nigga

[Stifmeister]

When Confronted After Stealing A Pair of Shoes
Standard: "Excuse me, but I purchased these shoes at my local footwear retailer, and I'll thank you very much to keep quiet about how I obtained them."
Ebonics: SHIIIT NIKKUH I BOUGHT DEEZ FRUSH AZZ KICKS. BITCH ASS CRACKA

Meeting Girls
Standard: Hm! Quite an attractive young lady, isn't she?
Ebonics: DAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYUUUUUM LOOK AT DAT FINE ASS BITCH, SHE GOTTA STRAIGHT UP DONK IN DISZ MUUFUCKAA, I'MMA DEEPP DIQQKK THAT HOE.

Standard: "My you're a lovely young lady."
Ebonics: "DAMMMN!!! Yousa fine ass muufucka! I'mma heem that puss up."

Standard: "Let's go for a ride shall we?"
Ebonics: "Hey baby, jump in ma low rider and rotate dees tires."

Standard: "You are beautiful. I would like to make love to you."
Ebonics: "Damn bitch you stupid fly, lemme pull up that bumpa and smack dat munkey." See below

When Asking A Girl on A Date
Standard: "Would you like to go out sometime?"
Ebonics: *there is no translation, as ******s do not engage in foreplay, or any sort of mating ritual, in most cases, the male will forcibly rape the female.*

Greeting Old Friends
Standard: "Hello Sir."
Ebonics: "WHADDUP DAWG!" Alternative Ebonics: WUZZZ GOOD,(MY\MAH\MUH) NIGGA?! (WUT IT DO?)(WHAT IT IS?)

Asking to borrow some cash
Standard: "May I borrow some money?"
Ebonics: "Hey lemme hold some ends, I'll hit you back on de first ma brotha\nigga"

Standard: Dad, could you please spare me some money? I am going to dinner with my girlfriend.
Ebonics: EH YO POPS, AHYUZZ NEED SOME GREEN, GOTTA BUY SUMDIN NICE FO MAH HO YA DIG POPS?
******s don't know their fathers, and that is how the Maury show was created...

After Being Denied To Borrow Some Cash
Standard: You don't have it? Thanks anyway.
Ebonics: FUCK YOU MEAN!!???*BLAP BLAP*
Alternative Ebonics: £$?%!*&$% YOU!!!!!
More common alternative of unknown origin: DAM NIGGAAA yooza snaaakkkkeeeeeeeee

Standard: I think I will use my good credit for this loan.
Ebonics: NUGA I NEED DEM DUCKETS WATCHU MEENN "FINANCIAL OBLIGATIONS?" YALL TRYNA TELL ME MAH CREDIT AINT GOOD NIGGA? FINE, ISS' ON NOW, RAP BEAT NIGGA This is impossible as ******s never have good credit, as they use all their credit potential in the youth years thanks to their needy parents.

Meeting new people
Standard: "Hello Sir."
Ebonics: "WHADDUP!?!?!?"

Standard: "I admire your fashionable running shoes and wish to ascertain a pair of similar quality and model"
Ebonics: "DROP DEM NIKES/JORDANS/POLO'S OFF YO ASS 'FO I BLAST YOU MOTHAFUCKA!!"

When Sexuality Taken Into Question
Standard: I am absolutely puzzled as to where you heard that, but I can assure you, I am not a homosexual.
Ebonics: DA FUQK?! NIGGA, WHERE DA FUCK U HURD DAT SHIT? I AIN'T GAY, MOTHAFUCKA!

When Threatened
Standard: You had better relax or I will be forced to defend myself
Ebonics: DA FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?! *to fellow ****** in the background* MY NIGGA, DID YOU HURR WHA DAT NIGGA SAID TO ME? HE BEST STEP BACK DAWG OR I'LL BUST A CAP IN HIS MOTHAFUCKIN AYIZZ, KNOWHADIMSAYN?!!

When Threatening
Standard: Leave now, or unfortunately I will be left with no other choice than to physically eject you.
Ebonics: NIGGA YOU GOT 1 SEC TO GET/SHAKE DA FUCK OUT BEFO I KNOCK DAT GRUULL OUCH YO DAMN MOUF, KNOWHADIMSAYN?!! IMMA GET MUH CHOPPA AND START BLASTIN CAPS AT YO ****** ASS, YA DIG BRAH?!?!

When confronting someone who is lying
Standard: You're lying. Tell the truth.
Ebonics: NIGGA SHAKE WIDD DAT BULLSHIT BEFO I POP DA TRUNK ON YO BITCH ASS NIGGA, GET MAH MUUHFUCKIN UZI UP ON YO TRASH ASS NIGGA

When attempting to sing
Standard: My frozen dairy treat brings all the gentlemen to my front lawn. Some argue that it is superior to yours. Yes, they are correct, it is far superior to yours. I could pass along this knowledge, but there would be a fee.
Ebonics: WATERMELUNZ, WATERMELUNZ, IMMA OUT IN DA FIELDS PICKIN YO COTTON AND WATERMELUNZ, THEN IMMA STOMP YO WHITE ASS IN THE NUTS, HATA'S SAY WHAT, HATA'S SAY WHAT, CAUSE IF YOU HATE ON ME AND MY WATERMELUNZ IMMA STOMP YO ASS IN THE NUTS

When Sharing Camaraderie
Standard: You and I are friends. I hope we can remain best friends forever.
Ebonics: WE THUGZ FO LYF, NIGGA. WE RYDE 2GETHA, WE DIE 2GETHA

Other Translations:
Standard: Whatever.
Ebonics: PSSHHH/MAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!

Standard: I win!
Ebonics: SUP NOW NIGGA/ WHASZ GUDDD NOWW NIGGAH!!!

Standard: What a surprise!
Ebonics: AW SHIT AW SHIT MAN I SEE'D THAT SHIT NIGGA I SEE'D THE WHOLE THING NIGGA YOU SHOULDA SEEN THAT SHIT NIGGA THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY MAN I SEED THAT SHIT WITH MY OWN EYES DAMN THAT SHIT WAS CRAZY NIGGA./ more commonly used: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

Standard: Do you agree with what I've said?
Ebonics: KNOWWADAHM SAYIN?/NAAAAAAAMEANNNNNN?/YA DIGGG!!!??/ YAHERT!!!!??

Standard: Although you may have been here for less time than me, would you mind directing me to the bathroom?
Ebonics: YO AFRICAIN! WHERE DE SHIT HOLE?!

Standard: Hello kind sir, would you like to light a marijuana plant, and then get carefree with me?
Ebonics: EHYY MAH NIGGA WE FINSTA GET FADED TONITE YA DIGGG!!! 2HAT I'MMA NEED YOU TA DO ISZ LIGHT UP DA PURP AND EASE YA MIND WIDDD ME

Standard: Gotta have my Pops! (Though only to be said by brainwashed nigras)
Ebonics: NIGUGUH GET DAH FUCK'WAY FROMMAH MUDDAFUCKIN' CEREAL. D'HELLZ 'RONGWHICHU BITCH? DAYM, IMA FUCK YO MOMMA SO HAHD UPSIDE DE HEAD, SHE GON BE *SHITTIN* THAT SHIT!

Standard: Oh dear.
Ebonics: Aw SHIT.

Standard: Excuse me kind sir, will you please show your object to me?
Ebonics: LEMME HOLD DAT

Standard: I disapprove of your actions.
Ebonics: IM PRESSIN CHARGES

Standard: "I enjoy the sound made by car exhaust whistle tips."
Ebonics: "WHISTLES GO WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Standard: "The chaos theory is a theory that complex natural systems obey rules but are so sensitive that small initial changes can cause unexpected final results, thus giving an impression of randomness."
Ebonics: "SUP DAWG LEMME TELL YO SUMMAT BRO NIGGUH CUM OVAR HURR I SEE'D THE WHOLE THING HATA'S SAY WHAT WOOP WOOP"

Standard: "Farewell, my love. I am not the father of that child."
Ebonics: "AHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!! YOU SKANN AS HOE I KNEW THAT NAPPY HEAD NIGGA WUDDDN'T MINEE " *BLAP* *BLAP*

Standard: "Oh dear. What time is it of the current moment?"
Ebonics: "MAN, DAMN WHAT DA TIME IS?"

No racist

[Haze]

cool copypasta bro

[Stifmeister]

No shit yo

[Jailbroken671]

LMAO
that made me LMAO for a long time!

[Niku ・(￣∀￣)・]

Too long to read.....

[Stifmeister]

DROP DEM NIKES OFF YO ASS 'FO I BLAST YOU MOTHAFUCKA!!

[MH4CKER]

Wouw, I Really Wanna Learn This. I Can Use This For Alot Of Things, Good For Almost Everything, Would Do Good At School, And Work. And Wen I Steal Shoes.

What A Useless Thread.

[qddW$#%^jtyjtyj]

Hi nigga how motha fucka long was this shit?

[[MPGH]Time]

Thanked good job .

[Stifmeister]

Wouw, I Really Wanna Learn This. I Can Use This For Alot Of Things, Good For Almost Everything, Would Do Good At School, And Work. And Wen I Steal Shoes.

What A Useless Thread.

Wouw, MPGH Really Wants To Know About Your Fucking Gay Ass Goal List.

What A Useless Post.

[FORCE™]

too much to read, first few are funny lol

[[MPGH]Austin]

agree,

use of mother fucker makes it unfunny.

[Stifmeister]

Niggas say mother fucker? That;s the point, MOTHER FUCKER.

[[MPGH]Toxin]

TL ; DR

[/b/oss]

funny /