its good, just make an intro, and i see you are not fimiliar with effects, try to sync the music with the kills, and add some effects so it could catch the viewers eye, but other than that, 1st montage, 8/10.
PS:The video is kind of dark and hard to see just increase the brightness by a bit.
With all due respect and no offensive intent, if you are having trouble using vegas then start out easy and use windows live movie maker, it can do alot of things especially for a 1st montage, and its much more simple and straight foward.