> Brilliant Lawyer's Questions and Arguments

[OMARz]

Things people have actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by court reporters that
had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it
> true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
> know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________ _________ _________ ______
> ATTORNEY: The
> youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
> picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
> ATTORNEY: She had three children,
> right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a new attorney?
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
> terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
> individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
> ____________ _________ _________ ________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
> autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a
> fight.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
> oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
> you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you
> performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing law.

[Obey]

. What the shizzit?

[Chester Bennington]

i lol'd

[to short...]

[juanrineytor]

I shall shat brix.

[-XpliCitt-]

Seems fake tbh.
The responses give it away.

[Chester Bennington]

Seems fake tbh.
The responses give it away.

still funny either way

[Inna]

> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing law.

haha tht 1 was good

[PyrexxHero®]

They sound real.
When my friend went to court cause an old lady (Who was a big charity worker) crashed her car into his and blamed him, the attorney asked him "Did you hit Mrs. (forgotname) with your car?"
"Yes, thats why the FRONT of her car is smashed and the SIDE of my car is caved in"

[Scruffy]

I lol'd even if they're fake.

[Haze]

Cool story, bro.

[[MPGH]EndRiT]

If these are real, epic win.