Ok a foreword.... I dont care how others feel about me really but theres a trend in my relationships both romantic and platonic that Ive noticed......

Every one fucking hates me. I started noticing it when I joined some forums. People would respond to my posts with contempt and anger. It didnt really bug me too much but I thought it was strange that so many people independently grew to dislike me in so many locations. I joined a few forums in a weeks time and couple more over the course of a few months and in every single forum I became an antagonist. People just tended to dislike me. Then it got me to thinking of my ex girlfriends. In the last few years 3 out of 4 girlfriends Ive had wont even talk to me because of their extreme hatred for me (pretty much in their own words)

Today my grandma (who raised me so is basically my mom) got in a heated discussion with me in which she said she didnt like me and never has (she even said she hated me), that the rest of the family (her kids not my fathers side) didnt like me etc etc. Normally that alone wouldnt have bothered me but because I was already thinking about how hated I am it kinda made me stop to wonder.

In my life I have acquaintances and a few friends (I dont really hang out too much and its kinda on a surface level) who like me (atleast I think they do.....). Then I have an overwhelming amount of people who just plain out hate me. Finding fights to start has never really been my thing but arguments just seem to follow me. Being rational I can rule out that everyone else is just a dick. So now Im left with the problem being me and for the life of it I cant figure out why Im so notorious.

You know sometimes I wonder if this I dont care ego is simply my way of covering up an emptiness. Cognitive dissonance coming into play to tell me hey its ok that youre alone and hated, you dont care anyways. Then sometimes I wonder if Im missing something. Maybe theres a part of me I lost somewhere along the way. I just dont know how I feel. Ive read enough about psychology starting as a kid to adequately mess up my ability to diagnose myself. Unfortunately it makes it hard for others to help as well