Code question

[Arhk]

I'm the kind of guy who's open to anything and learns things for the sake of learning, or really a challenge, if computers weren't a challenge I would have little interest in them. Also I have kind of an ego (somewhere under all the introvert) and I feel kind of insufficient/a kind of shame when I don't understand what make something work but yet I claim to be "good" with computers. It actually frustrates me when people only care to know how something works and not why, I've always asked why, and I've accepted that I'll forever have this burden of asking why. I believe the most important thing a person can do to further themself when doing anything is to constantly scrutinize their actions and thoughts or anything when it comes to doing anything. Playing violin I constantly scrutinize my technique, am I holding my bow stroke in the way I was shown, but is it really the way that was shown to me the correct way, or isn't it more important to grow into my own technique that works for me?. Maybe I should use a bow holding according to what I feel comfortable, or maybe according to the subtleties I'm trying achieve within a certain kind of music I'm playing, sigh I'm not sure... I should just make adjustments as I see necessary, am I playing in perfect tune, I wont except anything less than perfect, they say a violinist memorizes a note in muscle memory rather than looking at where to place his fingers, regardless I'll know a note by identifying both ways, are my strings in perfect tune... I've heard an GDAE for 4years straight now, I think my D might be off in the slightest of a few hertz, I don't have any fine tuners so I'll just loosen my peg and adjust it back...endlessness.
I actually scrutinize myself and even scrutinize my very thoughts constantly, you could say I have a meticulous never ending amount of considerations when it comes to anything, and most certainly everything, and these considerations lead to an endless chain of other considerations.

Actually I may be very enthusiastic to work on some HLL programming myself once I've shoved my nose into the dirt of how things really work with modern technology. I don't mean to insult any others who think differently, but I see it as a sign of hypocrisy if you claim to be knowledgeable on something but never bothered to learn the full extent of the whys and even the hows you probably don't know.
This OCD on scrutinizing everything has effected my school performance in a pretty negative way, with math I'm in utter protest, because I know if I were to ask a teacher to explain the theory behind pythagorean theory they wouldn't know what to tell me. Also alot of geometric things, we've gone into a territory that would require explanation of why these formulas work but rarely is that revealed simply the how is revealed. Algebra was cake because I was able to decipher whys from the hows and I'd dodge the mindless formula crunching and used pure mathematics, for the tasks of graphing etc. Although I fell behind for this meticulous dissection in Algebra also, I find a shame in knowing how things work without knowing why, even while I walk around the house, or anywhere else I ask whys lots of them.
My scrutiny in English class has become interesting, because I start questioning the raw thought be hind language concepts I question why in this world we are in the limitations of addressing things in the real of subject objects and verbs, I find it interesting, does our realm of reality exist only to address the properties of something whether it be a physical person another statement etc. Does it make sense to have a language that addresses nothing in particular but somehow has another way of extending ideas (another split thread is are ideas the true core of communication, and also the fact even computer languages address things and their properties, etc., but is it our realm of thought simply limiting it to this?) out to people, music is considered a language... endlessness.

So far as I know this is completely normal, wouldn't it be illogical for people to go around without considering everything and anything so.... Well very considerately.

Even when people say things are impractical or impossible, after my (short) lifetime of endless consideration I don't truly understand the concept of impossible, and I think people only believe in the word because they never scrutinize the word or the thinking behind it, to the fullest of their extent. I don't jump into things ever expecting to master them at one go, but I always have the automatic maybe overly dramatic determination of do or die. For as long as I can remember I remember question and scrutinizing, I faintly remember having ideas as a small child.
~

I guess this might seem weird but my essential discipline is as a man of logic and reason. I Love the wisdom that is to be derived, of always being alert thinking and reasoning out the simplest of things. The first philosophers simply looked to the sky and became inspired by thinking and just watching, and we praise them to this day for the insight they gave from it.

I guess I'm a philosopher then in that sense I'm not sure, but I might be coming off as full of myself right about now sigh. Sometimes I feel a burden from constantly questioning and sometimes it's a bit unbearable, but I like it nonetheless.

My attraction isn't so much to computers as technology as a whole, I'd like to create things of Sci-Fi imagination, the reason I truly interested in technology because I thought I could use it to make a physical manifestation of my thoughts, what I want more than anything is to create technology to strike awe in people's eyes. And in their imaginations.

I don't judge anyone else for being different or thinking differently than I do (I actually don't believe in subjective terms like smart or etc, I see it as everyone just has a different perspective on things), I think it's important to take in all perspectives or else I'd be limiting myself. I'd Love it if others would take time out of their day to introduce me into their world and how the look at things.