[Discuss] Funniest joke you know?

[HughJass]

Q: How do you get 100 babies in a bucket?

A: A blender.


Q: How do ou get them out?

A: Tortilla chips.

I'm winning

Whats the difference between a mexican pick up truck, and an auditorium?

The mexican pick up truck holds more people.

[Ed]

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

[HughJass]

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

Jesus H Christ man.
Im going to bed now.

[Heartview]

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."

The exact version I know is a little longer, and funnier, as it is more well written, but this one is pretty much the same.

[Ed]

Why can’t scientists find a cure for AIDS?
They can’t get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Why did God invent yeast infection?
So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

[joefus]

Q: what's the difference between a dead baby and a Twix bar?

A: 60 calories.

derps still funnier

[Ed]

I Know so many Jokes i could go all night

Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

[Heartview]

I Know so many Jokes i could go all night

Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

I used to know so many I could go for weeks. Forgot most of them though, but this thread is helping bring some back

[Ed]

Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.



How do you kill 100 flies at once

Hit an African with a shovel

[bowlcut]

I've forgotten all my jokes...
Damn.

[Ed]

What's Faster than a black guy running from the cops with your TV?
His brother Behind him with your DVD player

[joblo150]

this shit better get funnier or else i'll rage

[Heartview]

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."

[Ed]

Whats the Same bewteen an apple and a black guy?
They both look good hanging from trees

How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
Hang one in the front

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

[Heartview]

Q: How do you torture a blind man?

A: Give him a cheese grader and tell him to read it.


Q: How do you fit a thousand jews in a car?

A: Throw a quarter in it.


Q: How do you get them all out?

A: Tell 'em Hitler's driving.