its good but needs allot of work. to start off with your focal is way to small and needs to be more attractive/noticeable. then from there you need to figure a better place to place it and work your flow from there on.
you lighting is everywhere yet nowhere at the same time, you need one clear defined light source reflecting on your focal and effects.
its got talent but i think you need to read up on some more tutorials if you wanna improve.