big moment in my life

[PP_CrazyApple]

the past 10 years ive been dwelling deeper and deeper into the schizoid realm, distancing myself from family, friends and internet people
i havent posted on this forum (or anywhere online) casually in the past 10 years
ive been consumed by weed and apathy
i wanna do things but a devil on my shoulder is constantly convincing me why its a bad idea
im scared of relationships, money and responsibility because of cancer experiences
i feel like im the same person as i was 10 years ago (i was 16) except im more broken, more hesitant, less confident and less interested
i was motivated to write this post so that maybe some of u can... lol jk whats a motivation
idk if i have the energy to face the replies, people will say my post is cringe :-(
it took me like 2 actual hours and 100 revisions to write this garbage
maybe i deserve ban for this post its so fucking pointless
whatever man, time to roll one

[[MPGH]arunforce]

stop smoking weed bro, get your life in order. i've seen first hand friends who smoked too much turning into shells of their former selves.

[[MPGH]Jov]

the past 10 years ive been dwelling deeper and deeper into the schizoid realm, distancing myself from family, friends and internet people
i havent posted on this forum (or anywhere online) casually in the past 10 years
ive been consumed by weed and apathy
i wanna do things but a devil on my shoulder is constantly convincing me why its a bad idea
im scared of relationships, money and responsibility because of cancer experiences
i feel like im the same person as i was 10 years ago (i was 16) except im more broken, more hesitant, less confident and less interested
i was motivated to write this post so that maybe some of u can... lol jk whats a motivation
idk if i have the energy to face the replies, people will say my post is cringe :-(
it took me like 2 actual hours and 100 revisions to write this garbage
maybe i deserve ban for this post its so fucking pointless
whatever man, time to roll one

Listen, just cause Arun says don't smoke weed doesn't mean u can't smoke weed, I smoke weed every day when I'm home from work, it's perfectly fine to green out when there is no money to be made or responsibility to have, although everything in life needs moderation. However, let me give you a quick analogy. Motivation is like a cup, every morning, you wake up with a full cup of it, but as you go about your day and do things, you end up spilling more and more till, eventually, it is empty. Some people wake up spilling their drink over in one go. However, the secret to motivation is setting goals for yourself, even if you are in a position that you believe inhibits you from succeeding by visualizing and then planning who you want to be in the next 5 mins, hour, day, year etc helps you remain present and focus up on things you might miss. Marijuana isn't horrible in moderation bro, however, you cannot be getting high all day and then asking yourself why you are scared of things. Guess what, 1/2 men get cancer that's a real fucking fact at least here in America bro. Cancer is somewhat inevitable if you are gonna use that as a crutch don't bother man, this is coming from someone who lost ppl to cancer. Being hesitant is fine, staying hesitant isn't nothing that you truly WANT in life comes free, if you are on the path of least resistance, chances are you are on the wrong path. Confidence is a matter of do or do not, every interaction you have you have a billion ways of handling it, confidence just means you seized the opportunity to connect to someone or something or in some cases yourself. The devil on your shoulder bro sounds an awful lot like the lazy self, the emotional mind, whatever u wanna name it. You need to start thinking with your rational mind. Never distance yourself from family, friends or people in general, you only have ONE LIFE. there is no PRACTICE LIFE. there is no PLAN B. everyone in your life is there for a reason and make you who you are, if you are sane enough to have the insight that you are displaying here and know that you have issues, my only question is when are you gonna start tackling them