Jokes

[wolfriot]

All the Chuck Norris jokes belong to the website All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes | Chuck Norris Facts

[wolfriot]

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.





Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.
JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.





Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.








When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.









Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks.
So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.








Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.







Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.






Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.







Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.








The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.






When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.






Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.





Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"






A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

[wolfriot]

Jokes are from Chuck Norris Jokes - Jokes








The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.




Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.




A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.



Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.




Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals.





Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.





Who would win the race between Ironman and Superman to the moon?

Chuck Norris






Jesus died on the cross because he wanted to appear on a necklace across Chuck Norris's bare chest.





When people die, they go to hell. When hell dies, it goes to Chuck Norris.




Mr. T, Arnold Shcwarzzenger, and Chuck Norris are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Chuck Norris and say "Why should you sit beside me?" Chuck quickly proceeds to roundhouse kick God in the face and say "*****, your in my seat.





Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice





Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum



Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.



There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.





Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.




Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.





Chuck Norris was the reason diapers were invented. (if you know what I mean)!



Chuck Norris doesn't move when he walks, the universe just moves around him.




When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, thats how many seconds you have left to live.

[AeroMan]

hahahah!
SO funny xD
!!!