I feel myself fading away... my dad flipped out on me again, because he heard I hated him... My girlfriend broke up with me, because she lost feelings for me... My dad freaked out on me so badly, and scared me so badly, I cried... All of that on top of the stress, all at once is like acid to my soul... I feel like I can't last very long on this planet, and I just want to fade away, and let my soul fly away... I keep listening to airplanes by B.O.B, and it is just... I dunno... I feel so lost right now, I really haven't a clue what to do... I sent my dad this over email... It started with me apparently calling my dad a "fucktard" on facebook, but I didn't so yeahh...

Email:

"Hey dad. I just wanted to tell you, after searching through my facebook page, the word "fucktard" was nowhere in there. But I did say bad things about you. All of my reasons are fully justified.


I said all of those things because I don't really feel wanted, or welcome, or even needed in that house. I feel like you play favorites between us all, and you chose Kristina, Shade, and Bryanna. I feel like you would bend over ass-backward for them, yet not do a thing for me... You may think you have done nothing wrong, but you have. You mock me about everything I do. First was my hairstyle. I wanted to be like you so much when I was 7-9. I truly did, but you just ignored me. Now that I have my OWN hairstyle, like you wanted SOOO badly, you make fun of me constantly. Second thing, was dancing. I really liked dancing, and all you did was, indirectly, call me a fag because I liked it. Then it was when I was getting into parkour. You picked fun at me, because I was trying to get fit enough to even TRY to do advanced parkour. Now look what happened. I barely leave the house. You crushed all of the things that made me smile, made me happy, and made me have something to do. Now my room is the only home I have. That house is not home, its my room. The Internet, is where I feel free. Where I go to be accepted, welcomed, and most of all, wanted. You say it wouldn't kill me to do some of the stuff you like, I could've said the same thing because you do NOTHING that I like. I hate camping REGARDLESS of where it is. You mock me, put me down, say all this shit about me, to me, and say that you love me? I find this quite insulting. I don't think you love me, and I sure as HELL know Kristina doesn't either. You think you know your "son" but because of you, and all the people at school, and how you act, your "son", doesn't exist anymore. All you have is a child who doesn't care about you what-so-ever. I used to like you, I used to want to spend time with you, I used to think you were the greatest. Now all you do is make me angry, and want to leave you, and never come back. I honestly, can't see me keeping contact with you at all, after I leave. I DO hate what you have done, and I can't say it because your pathetic first reactions is anger and rage. You said "No phone, no Internet", but to be honest, I don't have those anymore. You punched my computer screen, wrecking it, and my cell phone doesn't work ANYWAY so, I am really not losing anything and I couldn't say this to you in person, because you scared me, so badly, I had troubles keeping myself from trembling and crying. You can't buy me saying "I love you" with a Bonsai tree, even though I love that thing. Kristina makes me feel unwelcome, unwanted, and un-needed because, all she does is criticize what I did wrong, or didn't do. She never lets me finish COMPLETELY justifiable sentences, and reacts out of anger first, much like you. Those are reasons why I would talk down about you. I am telling you this over email, because in person, I would never be able to finish, and I would return to my room, unsuccessful, and majorly pissed off... Those are reasons I would say something like that. And by the way, you did make me cry. Grounding me will only further my disliking of everyone in the house. And don't call me things like "******" because I don't like it. Talk to you when I get home."

My head is soo fuckin heavy, and I am so stressed that I feel heavier... The only person I loved in my entire life, doesn't even care about me anymore... I feel so fucking empty, and heartless, I can't bare myself anymore... Fuckin life is a real bitch... Glad this forum is a home to me, and I get treated better here, than anywhere... I am lost...