poem

[DjSanta67]

less talking
more killing
more tickets
less fuffiling
cut off some words
cut off some limbs
count the money
then do it again
this is your life dad
cash on a platter
are you prod of your self
for making it matter
when i stand by ur side
tell me who do u see
am i ur ******
or am i me
are my wished worse
than urs
must i be wiht u
on all of ur choices
im a beast of burden
not a birds that soars
and the sound that i hear
is closing doors

[H3ARTbreaker]

i think you'd be better off in the heavy metal department..
nice tune though, lyrics have some amount of meaning
try increase use of figurative language (repetition etc.) if you're trying to do a poem.. all you're doing is stating this and that

GJ (Y)

[DjSanta67]

k thanks
k thanks instinct

[ShAg123]

ehhhhhh i find it very simple but sometimes the simplest lyrics can mean alot but u need to start using diffrent vocabulary and make it seem like a fucking god wrote that shit ya kno what i mean?