do u really hate a person? and u wanna fuck with them?

Revenge is not a dish best eaten cold. Who the fuck wants to eat a cold meal? Revenge is best eaten after being brilliantly planned and cooked expertly. This guide is intended to help you give you maximum enjoyment while making your enemies rue the day they were born. STEP 1

Fucking with people is an artform, while giving someone a good kicking or destroying their property is upsetting to your target it lacks one important factor: psychology. Think about your target long and hard then ask yourself these three questions:

What is most important to them?

What is the thing they take greatest pride in?

What is their greatest fear?

When you have thought out reasonably intelligent and informed answers to these questions you are ready to move on to step 2. Example answers could be along the lines of, their religion, their family, their looks, their popularity, their material possessions, their partner or spouse etc etc. If u don’t know your enemy that well, then you probably don’t hate them enough, or at the very least you should do them the courtesy of getting to know them better before you try to ruin their life.

STEP 2

Step 1 calls for abstract empathetic thinking, step 2 calls for pure evil creativity. Having identified what your target is within your enemy’s life you must work out how to destroy it. To help I will use two common examples:

Fucking with someone who is either very close to their parents (and lives at home) or who values there partner or spouse highly is very easy. Subscribing (yes I know its gonna cost you but the best things in life don’t come cheap and this is a guide for real revenge not idle pranks) to a magazine with a subject matter such as Fisting, watersports or any particularly unpleasant fetish in your enemies name is always good. Picture the scene a plain A4 brown paper envelope arrives addressed to your target, “whats that?” enquires mom\sis\dad\wife, “don’t know” replies the target eagerly tearing it open (no one can resist a parcel)…. Well look at that its Fisters Monthly with a 23 page anal sex special, its kind of embarassing to explain to mom that “I honestly didn’t order this” and even harder to make her believe you. Especially when a shiny new magazine arrives on the 5th of every month, before long its divorce if the target is married or counselling if still living at home: “we believe you that its not your magazine we just want you to talk to Dr Kauffman, tell him how you feel……”

Another great trick that is especially effective against people who consider themselves very respectable is burying a 1 ounce bag of weed (money again – but hey nothings free) in there back garden then phoning the proper authorities, advanced pupils may wish to try and collect a reward for shopping the guy who you saw “talking to all the kids outside the school and taking money from them”. Spending time in prison for drug trafficking when they have never so much as smoked a cigarette in their life really gets to some people. Even if the case is so flimsy that there is no conviction a professional “respectable” person like say a school teacher is unlikely to ever recover in terms of career of even being suspected of being a drug dealer. Remember mud sticks: a poster campaign denouncing a local man as a child molester is easily proved the sick lie of some begrudged individual (that’s you) but I guarantee you even 10 years down the line parents will tell their kids not to play near his house because “he’s not a nice man”.

STEP 3

You should now have the ideal idea for how to fuck with your enemy, the third step is execution. Think it through, plan it, then think it through again. People say I’m paranoid and there is some medical evidence to support this but one rule holds firm: if your so fucking careful that you become borderline obsessive about it you will never ever, ever be caught. Wearing gloves, sneaking about at night and making up alibis for when your out carrying out the sort of plans detailed above may seem excessive, because it is but take my word for it you won’t get caught. If you would rather do things quicker and with less hassle then feel free but sooner or later your gonna get nailed…

STEP 4

Gloating is great, but having a similarly fucked up plan executed on your dumbass by the guy you just fucked with isn’t. Chances are if you hate someone bad enough to fuck em like this they probably know you hate them. Depending on the type of revenge you have chosen, use it to your advantage to prove it wasn’t you. If you have humiliated them or incriminated them then speak to anyone who will listen in a preachy manner “I’ll make no secret of the fact I never liked him, now look at him, I’m sorry to say I’ve been proved the right..” etc etc. If the revenge was more obviously a work of destruction its time to go round and be the bigger man “Look, I know we’ve had our differences but that stuff with your house being burned down was well out of order, I wanted to shake your hand and say if I ever catch the fucking kids who did it i’ll kill them”.

Happy Hunting.


this was not written by me but i did edit and rewrite some stuff